


A Chance to Change Tomorrow

by Crazzy2014



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M, Funny, Reading the Books, Undate when i have time
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-14 04:14:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 34,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28914432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazzy2014/pseuds/Crazzy2014
Summary: A few weeks before Bella came to Forks the Cullen family got an very interesting set of books. Will they read them and if they do how much will it change their lives. Are they read for the changes that are to come, and more importantly how will Edward react to every thing he is going to hear,
Relationships: Alice Cullen/Jasper Hale, Carlisle Cullen/Esme Cullen, Edward Cullen/Bella Swan, Emmett Cullen/Rosalie Hale
Comments: 18
Kudos: 68





	1. Mid-1 GETTING THE BOOKS

It was a rather quiet day, sure I could still hear my family's voices in my head, but everyone was so focused on doing their own thing, their voices were nothing more than a gentle hum. Esme was planning out the renovations for the new house. Rosalie was busy working on my Volvo. Jasper was reading a history book while Alice planed out everyone's new closets. Emmet was busy playing 3 games and kept humming marry had a little lamb. I sat at my piano playing Esme's song. Carlisle had gone to the hospital this morning and was driving up the road now.

 _‘I wonder why this was so important.’_ Carlisle wondered as he parked his car. I stopped playing as Carlisle rushed him. 

“Family meeting,” Carlisle said as he moved to the living room. One by one everyone left their things and made their way to the living room. Esme arrived just after I did and Rosalie was the last. In Carlisle's hand was a box that contained 5 books. He placed down the book and took out a note from his pocket. 

_Dear Cullens_

_You do not know who I am, and I have never met any of you. But I have a power similar to that of Alice, I mean that I can see the future. I was on my computer one day before the vision overtook me. When the vision ended I saw that I had written all these books._

_They all have to do with you. And the changes that are coming to your life, more importantly, the big change that is coming to Edward live. Please read the books in the following order. Midnight sun, Twilight, new moon, eclipse and then breaking down._

_As you will see midnight sun and twilight are the same stories. The midnight sun is just from Edward's point of view. I think it would be more interesting to read the beginning of the story first from his point of view before reading the rest._

"What the hell," Rosalie said worriedly. All of us knew what danger we and this person would be in if anyone ever found out.

“Are we going to read them?’ Carlisle asked looking around his family. Rosalie wanted to protest

“What harm could it be,” Esme smiled, she was curious to know what change would be coming into my life, hell even I was curious. Everyone agreed and looked at Rosalie as she was still undecided

“Come on babe what’s the worst thing that could happen from reading 5 books, and might I add on is from Eddie’s point of view. We all funnily get to see in his head,” Emmet smiled at Rosalie who just looked at him before smiling

“Don’t call me Eddie,” I growled at Emmett who just smiled.

“fine,” Rosalie said before sitting down next to Emmet. We all took out seats as Alice grabbed the first book.

“oh I forgot to say, for the next few days the sun is going to be warming up forks, so we have a good reason to miss school,” Alice smiled happily, before cuddling into Jasper and opening the book

“This is going to be fun,” Emmet smiled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own any of the books or the characters they are all the property of Stephanie Meyer  
> Reviews are greatly appreciated   
> Come say hi on tiktok: Voshaarnooi01   
> Come say hi on Instagram: Voshaarnooi2000


	2. Mid-1. FIRST SIGHT

  1. **FIRST SIGHT**



**THIS WAS THE TIME OF DAY WHEN I MOST WISHED I WERE ABLE TO SLEEP. High school. Or was _purgatory_ the right word? **

“True,” Alice, Jasper and Rose nodded

“So dramatic,” Emmet smiled at me

**If there _were_ any way to atone for my sins, this ought to count toward the tally in some measure. The tedium was not something I grew used to; every day seemed more impossibly monotonous than the last. Perhaps this could even be considered my form of sleep—if sleep was defined as the inert state between active periods. **

"Well, it technically is,” Carlisle said looking at me. Esme was worrying now for everyone, she didn’t know that I or my siblings felt so about school

**I stared at the cracks running through the plaster in the far corner of the cafeteria, imagining patterns into them that were not there. It was one way to tune out the voices that babbled like the gush of a river inside my head. Several hundred of these voices I ignored out of boredom. When it came to the human mind, I’d heard it all before and then some.**

Everyone nodded understanding what I meant. Everyone was very happy at that moment that they didn’t have my ability. 

**Today, all thoughts were consumed with the trivial drama of a new addition to the small student body.**

“oh Charlie’s daughter,” Alice smiled looking up from the book

"Probably, that meant the books are going to happen in a few weeks," Carlisle said wondering what would be the big thing that would impact us all and why it had to do with the Swan girl.

**It took so little to work them up. I’d seen the new face repeated in thought after thought from every angle. Just an ordinary human girl. The excitement over her arrival was tiresomely predictable—it was the same reaction as one would get from flashing a shiny object at a group of toddlers.**

"Poor girl," Esme said to no-one, while Rosalie just rolled her eyes, she didn't understand why the humans would be so excited over another random girl.

**Half the sheep-like males were already imagining themselves infatuated with her, just because she was something new to look at. I tried harder to tune them out. Only four voices did I block out of courtesy rather than distaste: my family, my two brothers and two sisters, who were so used to the lack of privacy in my presence that they rarely worried about it.**

Again everyone nodded. Alice looked up from the book and gave me a small smile which I returned

**I gave them what I could. I tried not to listen if I could help it. Try as I may, still… I knew. Rosalie was thinking, as usual, about herself—her mind was a stagnant pool with few surprises.**

Rosalie just rolled her eyes at me, while Emmet smiled and kissed her cheek, thinking about how beautiful she was and how lucky he was

**She’d caught sight of her profile in the reflection off someone’s glasses, and she was mulling over her own perfection. No one else’s hair was closer to true gold, no one else’s shape was quite so perfectly an hourglass, no one else’s face was such a flawless, symmetrical oval. She didn’t compare herself to the humans here; that juxtaposition would have been laughable, absurd.**

Rosalie smiled and nodded agreeing with my book counterpart

**She thought of others like us, none of them her equal. Emmett’s usually carefree expression was crumpled with frustration. Even now, he ran one enormous hand through his ebony curls, twisting the hair into his fist. Still fuming over the wrestling match he’d lost to Jasper during the night.**

Jasper smirked as Emmet glared and huffed at him.

 _‘it’s not fair, and one day I am going to beat him,’_ Emmet thought looking at Jasper

**It would take all his limited patience to make it to the end of the school day to orchestrate a rematch. Hearing Emmett’s thoughts never felt intrusive, because he never thought one thing that he would not say aloud or put into action.**

“true,” Emmet smiled

**Perhaps I only felt guilty reading the others’ minds because I knew there were things inside that they wouldn’t want me to know. If Rosalie’s mind was a stagnant pool, then Emmett’s was a lake with no shadows, glass clear. And Jasper was… suffering.**

Jasper shook his head, he loves me but on days like this, he hated me and himself. He couldn't understand why he was having such a hard time around the human. Alice took his hand and kissed his cheek before continuing to read

**I suppressed a sigh. _Edward._ Alice called my name in her head and had my attention at once. It was just the same as having my name called aloud. I was glad my given name had fallen out of style in the last few decades—it had been annoying in the past; anytime anyone thought of any Edward, my head would turn automatically. **

"Okay, that must suck," Jasper said trying to give me a small smile. I just nodded thinking about all the time people had thought about my name

**My head didn’t turn now. Alice and I were good at these private conversations.**

“Cheating,” Emmet said looking between Alice and I. we just smiled at him sweetly

**It was rare that anyone caught us. I kept my eyes on the lines in the plaster. _How is he holding up?_ she asked me. **

“Thank you,” Jasper whispered to Alice before kissing her cheek.

**I frowned, just a small change in the set of my mouth. Nothing that would tip the others off. I could easily be frowning out of boredom. Jasper had been still for too long. He wasn’t performing human ticks the way we all must, constantly in motion so as not to stand out, like Emmett pulling at his hair, Rosalie crossing her legs first one way then the next, Alice tapping her toes against the linoleum, or me, moving my head to stare at different patterns in the wall. Jasper looked paralyzed, his lean form ramrod straight, even his honey hair seeming not to react to the air wafting from the vents. Alice’s mental tone was alarmed now, and I saw in her mind that she was watching Jasper in her peripheral vision. _Is there any danger?_**

****

Esme looked at her newest son sadly, she wished that she could help Jasper. Carlisle was also wondering if it wasn’t too early for Jasper to go rejoin the human. He trusted Jasper completely but he like Esme hated seeing his children in pain 

****

**She searched ahead into the immediate future, skimming through visions of monotony for the source behind my frown. Even as she did so, she remembered to tuck one tiny fist under her sharp chin and blink regularly. She brushed a tuft of her short, jagged black hair out of her eyes. I turned my head slowly to the left, as if looking at the bricks of the wall, sighed, and then turned to the right, back to the cracks in the ceiling.**

“Oh we all are going to learn what are their secret signs,” Emmet said happily to finally be able to understand Alice and my communications. Alice made eye contact with me and we smiled

**The others would assume I was playing human. Only Alice knew I was shaking my head. She relaxed. _Let me know if it gets too bad._ I moved only my eyes, up to the ceiling above, and back down. _Thanks for doing this._ I was glad I couldn’t answer her aloud. What would I say? _My pleasure?_ It was hardly that. I didn’t enjoy tuning in to Jasper’s struggles. **

Jasper looked apologetically at me and before he could answer I just nodded at him, understanding his feeling and thoughts

**Was it really necessary to experiment this way? Wouldn’t the safer path be to just admit that he might never be able to handle his thirst as well as the rest of us could, and not push his limits? Why flirt with disaster?**

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” Jasper said lifting his eyebrow,

“You know that is not what I will mean,” I answered back, “Plus I’m right, what is the point to push yourself,”

“To improve,” Alice and jasper said at the same time

**It had been two weeks since our last hunting trip. That was not an immensely difficult time span for the rest of us. A little uncomfortable occasionally—if a human walked too close, if the wind blew the wrong way. But humans rarely walked too close. Their instincts told them what their conscious minds would never understand: We were a danger that must be avoided. Jasper was very dangerous right now. It did not happen often, but every now and then I would be struck by the obliviousness of the humans around us.**

Carlisle nodded thinking back to his days at his work. He was glad that the humans were so oblivious, but sometimes it really made him wonder

**We were all so accustomed to it, we always expected it, but occasionally it seemed more glaring than usual. None of them noticed us here, lounging at the battered cafeteria table, though an ambush of tigers sprawled in our places would be less lethal than we were. All they saw were five odd-looking people, close enough to human to pass. It was hard to imagine surviving with senses so incredibly dull.**

"It's a wonder we made it so far in our own human lives," Rosalie rolled her eyes at me. I chose to ignore her

**At that moment, a small girl paused at the end of the closest table to ours, stopping to talk to a friend. She tossed her short, sandy hair, combing her fingers through it. The heaters blew her scent in our direction. I was used to the way that scent made me feel—the dry ache in my throat, the hollow yearn in my stomach, the automatic tightening of my muscles, the excess flow of venom in my mouth. This was all quite normal, usually easy to ignore. It was harder just now, with the reactions stronger, doubled, as I monitored Jasper.**

“That could be an unseen problem,” Carlisle said looking at Japer then at me. He never thought that Jasper’s control over emotions could affect us with his hunger.

"We will have to make sure that doesn't become a problem. Even if it means we need to hunt more,' Carlisle said looking from one of us to the other. We all nodded.

**Jasper was letting his imagination get away from him. He was picturing it—picturing himself getting up from his seat next to Alice and going to stand beside the little girl. Thinking of leaning down and in, as if he were going to whisper in her ear, and letting his lips touch the arch of her throat. Imagining how the hot flow of her pulse beneath the weak barrier of her skin would feel under his mouth… I kicked his chair.**

“Thanks,” Jasper said ashamed.

"It's fine. You didn't do anything," Alice and I said at the same time. Esme looked at Jasper and smiled sending him all her love she had for him. He looked up at her and gave her a small smile

**He met my gaze, his black eyes resentful for a second, and then looked down. I could hear shame and rebellion war in his head. “Sorry,” Jasper muttered. I shrugged. “You weren’t going to do anything,” Alice murmured to him, soothing his mortification. “I could see that.” I fought back the frown that would give her lie away.**

Alice glared at me, I just smiled at her.

“still you wouldn’t do anything. The book just showed you so,” Alice said looking at Jasper who was just smiling at her and shaking his head

**We had to stick together, Alice and I. It wasn’t easy, being the freaks among those who were already freaks.**

“You are not freaks,” Esme said looking at me and Alice. I had never heard her so fierce. I sounded like she was ready to kill anyone who called her children freaks. Carlisle just took her hand and we all saw her relax

**We protected each other’s secrets. “It helps a little if you think of them as people,” Alice suggested, her high, musical voice racing too fast for human ears to understand, if any had been close enough to hear. “Her name is Whitney. She has a baby sister she adores. Her mother invited Esme to that garden party, do you remember?” “I know who she is,” Jasper said curtly. He turned away to stare out one of the small windows that were spaced just under the eaves around the long room. His tone ended the conversation.**

“Sorry,” Jasper apologized to Alice who just smiled at him sweetly

**He would have to hunt tonight. It was ridiculous to take risks like this, trying to test his strength, to build his endurance. Jasper should just accept his limitations and work within them. Alice sighed silently and stood, taking her tray of food—her prop, as it were—with her and leaving him alone. She knew when he’d had enough of her encouragement.**

Jasper snaked his arms around Alice, not wanting her to leave him now. Alice just cuddled deeper into his side

**Though Rosalie and Emmett were more flagrant about their relationship, it was Alice and Jasper who knew each other’s every need as well as their own. As if they could read minds, too—but only each other’s. _Edward._ Reflex reaction. I turned to the sound of my name being called, though it. **

“I wonder who’s thinking about him now,” Emmett smiled thinking it was either Jessica or Laura

**My eyes locked for half a second with a pair of large, chocolate-brown human eyes set in a pale, heart-shaped face. I knew the face, though I’d never seen it myself before this moment. It had been foremost in every human head today. The new student, Isabella Swan.**

“Oh we get to see what the new girl thinks about us,” Emmet smiled looking at Jasper.

“$300 she thinks either me or Rosalie are the prettiest,” Emmet smiled at Jasper who thought about the bet

“Deal, I think she’s going to like Edward more,” Jasper said shaking Emmet’s hand. Their mates just shook their heads

**Daughter of the town’s chief of police, brought to live here by some new custody situation. Bella. She’d corrected everyone who’d used her full name. I looked away, bored. It took me a second to realize that she had not been the one to think my name. _Of course she’s already crushing on the Cullens_ , I heard the first thought continue. Now I recognized the “voice.” Jessica Stanley—**

Everyone but Esme and Carlie groaned. We all couldn’t wait to be away from that human, she was even more fain then Rosalie and that was saying something

**it had been a while since she’d bothered me with her internal chatter. What a relief it had been when she’d gotten over her misplaced fixation. It used to be nearly impossible to escape her constant, ridiculous daydreams.**

“Oh you poor boy,” Emmett laughed at the face I was making,

“Edward,” Esme said looking at me sadly. She wished that I had someone, that I wasn’t alone.

**I’d wished, at the time, that I could explain to her _exactly_ what would have happened if my lips, and the teeth behind them, had gotten anywhere near her. That would have silenced those annoying fantasies. The thought of her reaction almost made me smile. _Fat lot of good it will do her_ , Jessica went on. _She’s really not even pretty. I don’t know why Eric is staring so much… or Mike._ She flinched mentally on the latter name. Her new obsession, the generically popular Mike Newton, was completely oblivious to her. Apparently, he was not as oblivious to the new girl. Another child reaching for the shiny object. **

“Poor girl,” Esme and Rosalie said at the same time. They both could imagine how the new girl was feeling

**This put a mean edge to Jessica’s thoughts, though she was outwardly cordial to the newcomer as she explained to her the commonly held knowledge about my family. The new student must have asked about us. _Everyone’s looking at me today, too_ , Jessica thought smugly. _Isn’t it lucky Bella has two classes with me? I’ll bet Mike will want to ask me what she’s—_ I tried to block the inane chatter out of my head before the petty and the trivial could drive me mad. **

"Okay the swan girl needs to get better friends," Jasper said shaking his head. He could imagine the emotions he would be feeling from that girl.

**“Jessica Stanley is giving the new Swan girl all the dirty laundry on the Cullen clan,” I murmured to Emmett as a distraction. He chuckled under his breath. _I hope she’s making it good_ , he thought. “Rather unimaginative, actually. Just the barest hint of scandal. Not an ounce of horror. I’m a little disappointed.” **

I just shook my head. It was normal more fun when the school kids thought badly about us. It helped keep things interesting

**_And the new girl? Is she disappointed in the gossip as well?_ ** **I listened to hear what this new girl, Bella, thought of Jessica’s story. What did she see when she looked at the strange, chalky-skinned family that was universally avoided? It was my responsibility to know her reaction. I acted as a lookout, for lack of a better word, for my family. To protect us.**

Everyone looked at me and smiled. Happy that I was with them and that I was willing to use my ability to help them. Even if I hated using it

**If anyone ever grew suspicious, I could give us early warning and an easy retreat. It happened occasionally—some human with an active imagination would see in us the characters of a book or a movie. Usually they got it wrong, but it was better to move on somewhere new than to risk scrutiny. Rarely, extremely rarely, someone would guess right. We didn’t give them a chance to test their hypothesis. We simply disappeared, to become no more than a frightening memory. That hadn’t happened for decades. I heard nothing, though I listened close beside where Jessica’s frivolous internal monologue continued to gush. It was as if there were no one sitting beside her.**

That got me worried.

“Maybe she just moved and you didn’t realize,” Esme said seeing my worry. A few of the others were also starting to get a little worried. 

**How peculiar. Had the girl moved? That didn’t seem likely, as Jessica was still babbling at her. I looked up, feeling off-balance. Checking on my extra “hearing”—it wasn’t something I ever had to do. Again, my gaze locked onto those wide brown eyes. She was sitting right where she had been before and looking at us—a natural thing to be doing, I supposed, as Jessica was still regaling her with the local gossip about the Cullens. Thinking about us, too, would be natural. But I couldn’t hear a whisper.**

"Not good,' everyone said at the same time. I was shocked in all my time in this life I had never crossed paths with someone who's thoughts I couldn't hear. Rosalie, Jasper and Esme were worried about what that meant for the family. While Alice and Carlisle were intrigued. Emmet was just happy that there was one person in the world who I couldn’t cheat with.

**Warm, inviting red stained her cheeks as she looked down, away from the embarrassing gaffe of getting caught staring at a stranger. It was good that Jasper was still gazing out the window. I didn’t like to imagine what that easy pooling of blood would do to his control. The emotions had been as clear on her face as if they were spelled out in words: surprise, as she unknowingly absorbed the signs of the subtle differences between her kind and mine; curiosity, as she listened to Jessica’s tale; and something more… Fascination?**

“Say what now,” Rosalie said looking at the book shocked. Everyone ells, even Emmet was shocked at that as well

**It wouldn’t be the first time. We were beautiful to them, our intended prey. Then, finally, the embarrassment. And yet, though her thoughts had been so clear in her odd eyes—odd because of the depth to them—I could hear only silence from the place she was sitting. Just… silence. I felt a moment of unease. This was nothing I’d ever encountered. Was there something wrong with me? I felt exactly the same as I always did. Worried, I listened harder.**

“Is it possible, I mean to lose my ability?” I asked Carlisle who shook his head

"No, I wonder," he said tilting his head. Before I could hear what the was thinking Alice continued with a smile on her face. For some reason, she was also focusing really hard on the book. Like there was something she didn't want me to see,

**All the voices I’d been blocking were suddenly shouting in my head. _… wonder what music she likes… maybe I could mention my new CD…,_ Mike Newton was thinking, two tables away—focused on Bella Swan. _Look at him staring at her. Isn’t it enough that he has half the girls in school waiting for him to…_ Eric Yorkie’s thoughts were caustic, and also revolving around the girl. _… so disgusting. You’d think she was famous or something.… Even Edward_ Cullen _staring.…_ Lauren Mallory was so jealous that her face, by all rights, should be dark jade in color. _And Jessica, flaunting her new best friend. What a joke…_ Vitriol continued to spew from the girl’s thoughts. _… I bet everyone has asked her that. But I’d like to talk to her. What’s something more original?_ Ashley Dowling mused. _… maybe she’ll be in my Spanish…,_ June Richardson hoped. _… tons left to do tonight! Trig, and the English test. I hope my mom…_ Angela Weber, a quiet girl whose thoughts were unusually kind, was the only one at the table who wasn’t obsessed with this Bella. **

“She would make a good friend for Bella,” Alice smiled. Rosalie, Jasper and I just looked at her strangely. Why was she thinking like that? Who this girl made friends with was none of our concerns

**I could hear them all, hear every insignificant thing they were thinking as it passed through their minds. But nothing at all from the new student with the deceptively communicative eyes. And of course, I could hear what the girl said when she spoke to Jessica. I didn’t have to read minds to be able to hear her low, clear voice on the far side of the long room. “Which one is the boy with the reddish-brown hair?”**

Jasper looked at Emmet and stretched out his hand,

“Oh no, we don’t know if she likes him more,” Emmet said shaking his head

**I heard her ask, sneaking another look at me from the corner of her eye, only to glance quickly away when she saw that I was still staring. If I’d had time to hope that hearing the sound of her voice would help me pinpoint the tone of her thoughts, I was instantly disappointed. Usually, people’s thoughts came to them in a similar pitch to their physical voices. But this quiet, shy voice was unfamiliar, not one of the hundreds of thoughts bouncing around the room, I was sure of that. Entirely new.**

I was shocked, why couldn’t I hear this girl’s voice. what made her so special

**_Oh, good luck, idiot!_ ** **Jessica thought before answering the girl’s question. “That’s Edward. He’s gorgeous, of course, but don’t waste your time. He doesn’t date. Apparently none of the girls here are good-looking enough for him.” She snorted quietly. I turned my head away to hide my smile. Jessica and her classmates had no idea how lucky they were that none of them particularly appealed to me. Beneath the transient humor, I felt a strange impulse,**

Everyone looked at me with a question I just lifted my shoulders not knowing

**one I did not clearly understand. It had something to do with the vicious edge to Jessica’s thoughts that the new girl was unaware of.… I felt the strangest urge to step in between them, to shield Bella Swan from the darker workings of Jessica’s mind. What an odd thing to feel. Trying to ferret out the motivations behind the impulse, I examined the new girl one more time, through Jessica’s eyes now. My staring had attracted too much attention. Perhaps it was just some long-buried protective instinct—the strong for the weak.**

“I don’t think so,” Carlisle said looking at me again I could see the wheels turning in his head. He was slowly putting a picture together. But he hid that from me in a moment and refocused on the book.

 _‘Don’t worry about it. If my thoughts are accurate I’ll tell you,’_ Carlisle thought

**Somehow, this girl looked more fragile than her new classmates. Her skin was so translucent it was hard to believe it offered her much defense from the outside world. I could see the rhythmic pulse of blood through her veins under the clear, pale membrane.… But I should not concentrate on that. I was good at this life I’d chosen, but I was just as thirsty as Jasper and there was no point in inviting temptation. There was a faint crease between her eyebrows that she seemed unaware of. It was unbelievably frustrating! I could easily see that it was a strain for her to sit there, to make conversation with strangers, to be the center of attention. I could sense her shyness from the way she held her frail-looking shoulders, slightly hunched, as if she was expecting a rebuff at any moment. And yet I could only see, could only sense, could only imagine.**

“Welcome to the world we all live in,” Emmet smiled at me. I just shook my head at him. Carlisle kept adding the things he heard in the book to his idea, but she still wouldn’t show me. Alice looked up from the book and smiled at me. She knew what he was thinking but she too kept me in the dark

**There was nothing but silence from the very unexceptional human girl. I could hear nothing. Why? “Shall we?” Rosalie murmured, interrupting my focus. I turned my mind away from the girl with a sense of relief. I didn’t want to continue to fail at this—failure was a rare thing for me, and even more irritating than it was uncommon. I didn’t want to develop any interest in her hidden thoughts simply because they were hidden. No doubt when I did decipher them—and I _would_ find a way to do so—they would be just as petty and trivial as any human’s. **

“Maybe she would be different,” Esme smiled at me. I just shook my head at her

**Not worth the effort I would expend to reach them. “So, is the new one afraid of us yet?” Emmett asked, still waiting for my response to his earlier question** **. I shrugged.** **He wasn’t interested enough to press for more information. We got up from the table and walked out of the cafeteria. Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper were pretending to be seniors; they left for their classes. I was playing a younger role than they. I headed off for my junior-level Biology lesson,**

"Lucky," I said under my breath. Of course, they heard me and smiled innocently at me.

**preparing my mind for the tedium. It was doubtful Mr. Banner, a man of no more than average intellect, would manage to pull out anything in his lecture that would surprise someone holding two medical degrees. In the classroom, I settled into my chair and let my books—props, again; they held nothing I didn’t already know—spill across the table. I was the only student who had a table to himself. The humans weren’t smart enough to _know_ that they feared me, but their innate survival instincts were enough to keep them away. **

“Thank goodness for that,” we all said at the same time. It made so many things easier

**The room slowly filled as they trickled in from lunch. I leaned back in my chair and waited for the time to pass. Again, I wished I were able to sleep. Because I’d been thinking about the new girl,**

“Oh does Eddie have a crush,” Emmett teased

“No I don’t I’m just wondering why I can’t hear her thoughts,” I defended myself. I knew if I could have blushed I would have

**when Angela Weber escorted her through the door, her name intruded on my attention. _Bella seems just as shy as me. I’ll bet today is really hard for her. I wish I could say something… but it would probably just sound stupid. Yes!_ Mike Newton thought, turning in his seat to watch the girls enter. Still, from the place where Bella Swan stood, nothing. The empty space where her thoughts should be vexed and unnerved me. What if it _all_ went away? What if this was just the first symptom of some kind of mental decline? I’d often wished that I could escape the cacophony. **

“Well they do say be careful of what you wish,” Jasper said trying to make me feel better. It didn’t really help

**That I could be normal—as far as that was possible for me. But now I felt panicked at the thought. Who would I be without what I could do? I’d never heard of such a thing. I would see if Carlisle had.**

“it’s not possible,” Carlisle said smiling at me

**The girl walked down the aisle beside me, headed to the teacher’s desk. Poor girl; the seat next to me was the only one available. Automatically, I cleared what would be her side of the table, shoving my books into a pile. I doubted she would feel very comfortable there. She was in for a long semester—in this class, at least.**

‘Ahh how sweet,’ Esme smiled proud of me. Everyone nodded approving of what my book counterpart did

**Perhaps, though, sitting beside her, I’d be able to flush out her thoughts’ hiding place… not that I’d ever needed close proximity before. Not that I would find anything worth listening to. Bella Swan walked into the flow of heated air that blew toward me from the vent. Her scent hit me like a battering ram, like an exploding grenade.**

Alice looked up from the book, a look of worry on her face.

"Alice, what happened?" Carlisle asked worried, I sat forward hoping that it was not what I thought it was.

“Nothing good,” Alice said before continuing

**There was no image violent enough to encompass the force of what happened to me in that moment. Instantly, I was transformed. I was nothing close to the human I’d once been. No trace of the shreds of humanity I’d managed to cloak myself in over the years remained. I was a predator. She was my prey.**

“Get out of there now,” Carlisle said understanding why Alice was worried. I sat back in my seat. Why would that happen to me now? If I killed the girl then we have to move again and who knew ells would get harm in the killing of the girl

**There was nothing else in the whole world but that truth. There was no room full of witnesses—they were already collateral damage in my mind.**

The room grew tenser. They knew how dangerous this situation was

**The mystery of her thoughts was forgotten. Her thoughts meant nothing, for she would not go on thinking them much longer. I was a vampire, and she had the sweetest blood I’d smelled in more than eighty years. I hadn’t imagined that such a scent could exist. If I’d known it did, I would have gone searching for it long ago.**

“You wouldn’t have,” Esme said. She had so much faith in me, and it made me sad to think I was going to let her down

**I would have scoured the planet for her. I could imagine the taste.…Thirst burned through my throat like fire. My mouth felt baked and desiccated, and the fresh flow of venom did nothing to dispel that sensation. My stomach twisted with the hunger that was an echo of the thirst. My muscles coiled to spring. Not a full second had passed. She was still taking the same step that had put her downwind from me. As her foot touched the ground, her eyes slid toward me, a movement she clearly meant to be stealthy. Her gaze met mine, and I saw myself reflected in the mirror of her eyes. The shock of the face I saw there saved her life for a few thorny moments.**

Alice began to read faster as Jasper tried to relax the room. He was having a hard time regulating the mood

**She didn’t make it easier. When she processed the expression on my face, blood flooded her cheeks again, turning her skin the most delicious color I’d ever seen. The scent was a thick haze in my brain. I could barely think through it. My instincts raged, resisting control, incoherent. She walked more quickly now, as if she understood the need to escape. Her haste made her clumsy—she tripped and stumbled forward, almost falling into the girl seated in front of me.**

“Poor girl,” Esme said worried for the girl. Esme was getting more worried for me

**Vulnerable, weak. Even more than usual for a human.**

A light went off in Carlisle's head. I knew he had figured out whatever he was hiding from me. But because of what Alice was reading I couldn't focus on what he was thinking. Carlisle leaned closer and whispered something to Esme, so quite none of us were able to hear what our parents were talking about. A light of love shined in Esme’s eyes as she looked at me. But she two hide their thoughts

**I tried to focus on the face I’d seen in her eyes, a face I recognized with revulsion. The face of the monster inside me—the face I’d beaten back with decades of effort and uncompromising discipline. How easily it sprang to the surface now!**

“Because she’s your singer,” Emmett said thinking back to his own reaction to his singer.

**The scent swirled around me again, scattering my thoughts and nearly propelling me out of my seat. No. My hand gripped under the edge of the table as I tried to hold myself in my chair. The wood was not up to the task. My hand crushed through the strut and came away with a palmful of splintered pulp, leaving the shape of my fingers carved into the remaining wood. Destroy evidence. That was a fundamental rule. I quickly pulverized the edges of the shape with my fingertips, leaving nothing but a ragged hole and a pile of shavings on the floor, which I scattered with my foot.**

“You’re handling it well,” Jasper said thinking about how he would have reacted.

“What do you mean,” I almost hissed at him

“Well the girl is not dead yet, and you are destroying the evidence,” Jasper said impressed with me

**Destroy evidence. Collateral damage… I knew what had to happen now. The girl would have to come sit beside me, and I would have to kill her. The innocent bystanders in this classroom, eighteen other children and one man, could not be allowed to leave, having seen what they would soon see. I flinched at the thought of what I must do. Even at my very worst, I had never committed this kind of atrocity. I had never killed innocents. And now I planned to slaughter twenty of them at once.**

“See you’re going to be fine,” Esme smiled at me. I didn’t believe her. This was not good. Why did this girl have to come to this town?

**The face of the monster in my reflection mocked me. Even as part of me shuddered away from him, another part was planning what would happen next. If I killed the girl first, I would have only fifteen or twenty seconds with her before the humans in the room reacted. Maybe a little longer if at first they did not realize what I was doing. She would not have time to scream or feel pain; I would not kill her cruelly. That much I could give this stranger with her horribly desirable blood. But then I would have to stop them from escaping.**

“See you’re planning it. That helps because it’s killing time. And it's saving her," Jasper explains looking at me.

“true I didn’t plan anything with my singer so…” Emmet smiled at me. My whole family trusted me and it made me happy to be with them. But I couldn’t trust myself, not with my own singer. 

**I wouldn’t have to worry about the windows, too high up and small to provide an escape for anyone. Just the door—block that and they were trapped. It would be slower and more difficult, trying to take them all down when they were panicked and scrambling, moving in chaos. Not impossible, but there would be much more noise. Time for lots of screaming. Someone would hear… and I’d be forced to kill even more innocents in this black hour. And her blood would cool while I murdered the others. The scent punished me, closing my throat with dry aching.… So the witnesses first, then.**

I closed my eyes I could picketer everything Alice was reading. I could picture everything perfectly.

**I mapped it out in my head. I was in the middle of the room, the row farthest from the front. I would take my right side first. I could snap four or five of their necks per second, I estimated. It would not be noisy. The right side would be the lucky side; they would not see me coming. Moving around the front and back down the left side, it would take me, at most, five seconds to end every life in this room. Long enough for Bella Swan to see, briefly, what was coming for her. Long enough for her to feel fear. Long enough, maybe, if shock didn’t freeze her in place, for her to work up a scream. One soft scream that would not bring anyone running. I took a deep breath,**

“Don’t breathe,” Jasper and Carlisle said at the same time

**and the scent was a fire that raced through my dry veins, burning out from my chest to consume every better impulse that I was capable of. She was just turning now. In a few seconds, she would sit down inches away from me. The monster in my head exulted. Someone slammed shut a folder on my left. I didn’t look up to see which of the doomed humans it was, but the motion sent a wave of ordinary, unscented air wafting across my face. For one short second, I was able to think clearly.**

“Breath that in,” Jasper told me sitting more up. My entire family trusted that I could do this, but they all were curious to see how it would play out. And what all my plans were. I was slowly starting to plan to leave, perhaps then I could avoid the girl entirely. Alice looked shocked at me and I just shook my head. If things got bad then eyes I would leave but we still have time to see what is going to happen

**In that precious instant, I saw two faces in my head, side by side. One was mine, or rather had been: the red-eyed monster that had killed so many people that I’d stopped counting. Rationalized, justified murders. I had been a killer of killers, a killer of other, less powerful monsters. It was a god complex, I acknowledged that—deciding who deserved a death sentence. It was a compromise with myself. I had fed on human blood, but only by the loosest definition. My victims were, in their various dark pastimes, barely more human than I was.**

Esme smiled at me thinking about all the people I save, while I just thought back to the horrors I had done

**The other face was Carlisle’s. There was no resemblance between the two faces. They were bright day and blackest night. There was no reason for a resemblance to exist. Carlisle was not my father in the basic biological sense. We shared no common features. The similarity in our coloring was a product of what we were; every vampire was corpsepale. The similarity in the color of our eyes was another matter—a reflection of a mutual choice. And yet, though there was no basis for a resemblance, I’d imagined that my face had begun to reflect his, to an extent, in the last seventy-odd years that I had embraced his choice and followed in his steps.**

Carlisle looked at me, proud and happy that I thought like that. That I saw him as more than just my maker. That I had wished he was my biological father

**My features had not changed, but it seemed to me as though some of his wisdom had marked my expression, a little of his compassion could be traced in the set of my mouth, and hints of his patience were evident on my brow. All those tiny improvements were lost in the monster’s face. In a few moments, there would be nothing left in me that would reflect the years I’d spent with my creator, my mentor, my father in all the ways that counted.**

"No, you're will is too strong. You won't harm the girl," Carlisle said sure of my actions

**My eyes would glow red as a devil’s; all likeness would be lost forever. In my head, Carlisle’s kind eyes did not judge me. I knew that he would forgive me for this horrible act. Because he loved me. Because he thought I was better than I was.**

“you are,” Carlisle smiled at me. Everyone nodded agreeing with him.

**Bella Swan sat down in the chair next to me, her movements stiff and awkward—no doubt with fear—and the scent of her blood bloomed in an inescapable cloud around me. I would prove my father wrong about me. The misery of this fact hurt almost as much as the fire in my throat. I leaned away from her in revulsion—disgusted by the monster aching to take her. Why did she have to come here? Why did she have to _exist_? Why did she have to ruin the little peace I had in this nonlife of mine? **

“Now Edward, she didn’t ask to be you singer. There is no reason to be mean to the girl. She did nothing wrong,” Esme said sounding like a mother. Well she was our mother, but it still shocked us, because it sounded like she was the mother of the girl as well, defending her against someone ells children

**Why had this aggravating human ever been born? She would ruin me. I turned my face away from her as a sudden fierce, irrational hatred washed through me. I didn’t want to be the monster! I didn’t want to kill this roomful of harmless children! I didn’t want to lose everything I’d gained in a lifetime of sacrifice and denial! I wouldn’t. She couldn’t make me.**

“Ah there is the trademark stubbornness we all love and hate at the same time,” Alice smiled at me, everyone ells just nodded agreeing with her

**The scent was the problem, the hideously appealing scent of her blood. If there was only some way to resist… if only another gust of fresh air could clear my head. Bella Swan shook out her long, thick mahogany hair in my direction. Was she insane? No, there was no helpful breeze. But I didn’t _have_ to breathe. I stopped the flow of air through my lungs. The relief was instantaneous, but incomplete. I still had the memory of the scent in my head, the taste of it on the back of my tongue. I wouldn’t be able to resist even that for long. Every life in this room was in danger while she and I were in it together. I should run. I _wanted_ to run, to get away from the _heat_ of her next to me, and the punishing pain of the burning, but I wasn’t one hundred percent sure that if I unlocked my muscles to move, even just to stand, I wouldn’t lash out and commit the slaughter I’d already planned. But perhaps I could resist for an hour. Would one hour be enough time to gain control to move without striking? **

“Knowing you yes,” Jasper said wishing he had my self-control. He knew had he been in my position he would already have killed the girl and all the witnesses

**I doubted, then forced myself to commit. I would _make_ it enough. Just enough time to get out of this room full of victims, victims that perhaps didn’t have to _be_ victims. If I could resist for one short hour. It was an uncomfortable feeling, not breathing. My body did not need oxygen, but it went against my instincts. I relied on scent more than my other senses in times of stress. It led the way in the hunt; it was the first warning in case of danger. **

"Well you already know the danger, so there isn't a reason to torture your self anymore," Rosalie said shaking her head at me

**I did not often come across something as dangerous as I was, but self-preservation was just as strong in my kind as it was in the average human.**

"I wonder why?" Esme said curiously. No-one knew how to answer her

**Uncomfortable, but manageable. More bearable than smelling _her_ and not sinking my teeth through that fine, thin, see-through skin to the hot, wet, pulsing— An hour! Just one hour. I must not think of the scent, the taste. The silent girl kept her hair between us, leaning forward so that it spilled across her folder. I couldn’t see her face to try to read the emotions in her clear, deep eyes. Was she trying to hide those eyes from me? Out of fear? Shyness? To keep her secrets?**

“And you’re back to wondering about her thoughts,” Emmett smiled at me 

“I agree why you are so worried about her thoughts,” Alice smirked

**My former irritation at being stymied by her soundless thoughts was weak and pale in comparison to the need—and the hate—that possessed me now. For I hated this frail girl beside me, hated her with all the fervor with which I clung to my former self, my love of my family, my dreams of being something better than what I was. Hating her, hating how she made me feel— it helped a little. Yes, the irritation I’d felt before was weak, but it, too, helped a little. I clung to any thought that distracted me from imagining what she would _taste_ like.… Hate and irritation. Impatience. **

“Ah the Edward starter kid,” Emmett joked. E was relaxing in his seat. He knew that I wouldn’t hurt the girl. The thought that I wasn’t like him and the rest like I was more like the Carlisle then I thought

**Would the hour never pass? And when the hour ended… she would walk out of this room. And I would do what? If I could control the monster, make him see that the delay would be worth it… I could introduce myself. _Hello, my name is Edward Cullen. May I walk you to your next class?_ She would say yes. It would be the polite thing to do. Even already fearing me, as I was sure she did, she would follow convention and walk beside me. It should be easy enough to lead her in the wrong direction. A spur of the forest reached out like a finger to touch the back corner of the parking lot. I could tell her I’d forgotten a book in my car.… Would anyone notice that I was the last person she’d been seen with? **

“Pretty sure they would have noticed,” Rosalie rolled her eyes.

**It was raining, as usual. Two dark raincoats heading in the wrong direction wouldn’t pique too much interest or give me away. Except that I was not the only student who was aware of her today— though no one was as blisteringly aware as I. Mike Newton, in particular, was conscious of every shift in her weight as she fidgeted in her chair—she was uncomfortable so close to me, just as anyone would be, just as I’d expected before her scent had destroyed all charitable concern.**

“I think it may have more to do with the glare you sent her, then her being afraid,” Alice said not looking up from the book. Carlisle and Esme nodded agreeing with her. I just shook my head. Bella was human so it was normal for her to be afraid around me.

**Mike Newton would notice if she left the classroom with me. If I could last an hour, could I last two? I flinched at the pain of the burning. She would go home to an empty house. Police Chief Swan worked an eight-hour day. I knew his house, as I knew every house in the tiny town. His home was nestled right up against thick woods, with no close neighbors. Even had she time to scream, which she would not, there would be no one to hear. That would be the responsible way to deal with this. I’d gone more than seven decades without human blood. If I held my breath, I could last two hours. And when I had her alone, there would be no chance of anyone else getting hurt.**

“well that is a better plan, but you won’t do that,” Carlisle said sure of me

**_And no reason to rush through the experience_ ** **, the monster in my head agreed. It was sophistry to think that by saving the nineteen humans in this room with effort and patience, I would be less of a monster when I killed this innocent girl. Though I hated her, I was absolutely aware that my hatred was unjust. I knew that what I really hated was myself. And I would hate us both so much more when she was dead.**

“Dramatic,” Rosalie and Emmett said at the same time. I just choose to ignore them

**I made it through the hour in this way—imagining the best ways to kill her. I tried to avoid imagining the actual _act_. That might be too much for me. So I planned strategy and nothing more. Once, toward the very end, she peeked up at me through the fluid wall of her hair. I could feel the unjustified hatred burning out of me as I met her gaze—see the reflection of it in her frightened eyes. Blood painted her cheek before she could hide in her hair again, and I was nearly undone .But the bell rang. And we—how cliché—were saved. **

Esme relaxed even more. She knew that I would have made it and it made her happy to know I knew it as well.

**She, from death. I, for just a short time, from being the nightmarish creature I feared and loathed. Now I had to move. Even focusing all my attention on the simplest of actions, I couldn’t walk as slowly as I should; I darted from the room. If anyone had been looking, they might have suspected that there was something not right about my exit.**

“Well you got out of there so that is good,” Carlisle smiled

"And plus who knew perhaps they were focusing more on Bella then on you, so you should be saved." Alice smiled

**No one was paying attention to me; all thoughts still swirled around the girl who was condemned to die in little more than an hour’s time. I hid in my car. I didn’t like to think of myself as having to hide. How cowardly that sounded. But I didn’t have enough discipline left to be around humans now. Focusing so much of my efforts on not killing _one_ of them left me no resources to resist the others. **

Jasper sighed understanding how book me felt. I was relieved as well, I didn’t want to become that monster again.

**What a waste that would be. If I were to give in to the monster, I might as well make it worth the defeat. I played a CD that usually calmed me, but it did little for me now. No, what helped most was the cool, wet air that drifted with the light rain through my open windows. Though I could remember the scent of Bella Swan’s blood with perfect clarity, inhaling this clean air was like washing out the inside of my body from its infection. I was sane again. I could think again. And I could fight again. I could fight what I didn’t want to be.**

“Okay so if you could fight again, then what were you doing in the classroom,” Jasper shook his head.

 _‘Why didn’t you see how strong you are. You did something that no-one of use except Carlisle and Esme, could never have done. The girl is alive and save,’_ Jasper thought looking at me. I just looked back at him. I understood what he meant, but it didn’t make the acceptance any easier

**I didn’t have to go to her home. I didn’t have to kill her. Obviously, I was a rational, thinking creature, and I had a choice. There was always a choice. It hadn’t felt that way in the classroom… but I was away from her now. I didn’t _have_ to disappoint my father. I didn’t have to cause my mother stress, worry… pain. Yes, it would hurt my adopted mother, too. And she was so gentle, so tender and loving. Causing someone like Esme pain was truly inexcusable. **

All the kids nodded agreeing with me. Esme looked at her family with loving eyes. She really did love us all like her children

**Perhaps, if I avoided this girl very, very carefully, there was no need for my life to change. I had things ordered the way I liked them. Why should I let some aggravating and delicious nobody ruin that?**

“exactly,” Rosalie said like it was the most oblivious thing in the world

**How ironic that I’d wanted to protect this human girl from the paltry, toothless threat of Jessica Stanley’s snide thoughts. I was the last person who would ever stand as a protector for Isabella Swan. She would never need protection from anything more than she needed it from me. Where was Alice? I suddenly wondered. Hadn’t she seen me killing the Swan girl in a multitude of ways? Why hadn’t she come to my aid—to stop me or help me clean up the evidence, whichever? Was she so absorbed with watching for trouble with Jasper that she’d missed this much more horrific possibility?**

Alice looked up from the book ashamed

“Sorry,” She whispered

“It’s fine. Jasper should be your first priority,” I answered giving her a smile.

**Or was I stronger than I thought? Would I really not have done anything to the girl? No. I knew that wasn’t true. Alice must be concentrating vary hard on Jasper. I searched in the direction I knew my sister would be, in the small building used for English classes. It did not take me long to locate her familiar “voice.” And I was right. Her every thought was turned to Jasper, watching his small choices with minute scrutiny.**

“Thank you,” Jasper kissed her cheek

**I wished I could ask her advice, but at the same time, I was glad she didn’t know what I was capable of. I felt a new burn through my body—the burn of shame. I didn’t want any of them to know. If I could avoid Bella Swan, if I could manage not to kill her—even as I thought that, the monster writhed and gnashed his teeth in frustration—then no one would have to know. If I could keep away from her scent… There was no reason I shouldn’t try, at least.**

Carlisle and Jasper nodded approving of my thoughts on how to handle the situation.

**Make a good choice. Try to be what Carlisle thought I was. The last hour of school was almost over. I decided to put my new plan into action at once. Better than sitting here in the parking lot, where she might pass me and ruin my attempt. Again, I felt the unjust hatred for the girl. I walked swiftly—a little too swiftly, but there were no witnesses—across the tiny campus to the office. It was empty except for the receptionist, who didn’t notice my silent entrance. “Ms. Cope?” The woman with the unnaturally red hair looked up and startled. It always caught them off guard, the little markers they didn’t understand, no matter how many times they’d seen one of us before. “Oh,” she gasped, a little flustered. She smoothed her shirt. _Silly_ , she thought to herself. _He’s almost young enough to be my son._**

****

“Not again,” I groaned thinking back to all the thoughts the lad has had of me and my family over the years. Emmet and Jasper just laughed at the face I was making.

****

**“Hello, Edward. What can I do for you?” Her eyelashes fluttered behind her thick glasses. Uncomfortable. But I knew how to be charming when I wanted to be. It was easy, since I was able to know instantly how any tone or gesture was taken. I leaned forward, meeting her gaze as if I were staring deep into her flat brown eyes. Her thoughts were already in a flutter. This should be simple. “I was wondering if you could help me with my schedule,” I said in the soft voice I reserved for not scaring humans. I heard the tempo of her heart increase. “Of course, Edward. How can I help?” _Too young, too young_ , she chanted to herself. Wrong, of course. I was older than her grandfather. **

“Still it’s the idea,” Alice shook her head disappointed in the lady

**“I was wondering if I could move from my Biology class to a senior-level science. Physics, perhaps?” “It there a problem with Mr. Banner, Edward?” “Not at all, it’s just that I’ve already studied this material.…” “In that accelerated school you all went to in Alaska. Right.” Her thin lips pursed as she considered this. _They should all be in college. I’ve heard the teachers complain. Perfect 4.0s, never a hesitation with a response, never a wrong answer on a test—like they’ve found some way to cheat in every subject. Mr. Varner would rather believe that anyone was cheating in Trig than think a student was smarter than him. I’ll bet their mother tutors them.…_**

****

“Perhaps you should tone it a bit down in school,” Carlisle said looking at all his kids. Was all looked at each other before nodded agreeing to do as he asked.

****

**_“_ ** **Actually, Edward, Physics is pretty much full right now. Mr. Banner hates to have more than twenty-five students in a class—” “I wouldn’t be any trouble.” _Of course not. Not a perfect Cullen._ “I know that, Edward. But there just aren’t enough seats as it is.…” “Could I drop the class, then? I could use the period for independent study.” “Drop Biology?” Her mouth fell open. _That’s crazy. How hard is it to sit through a subject you already know? There_ must _be a problem with Mr. Banner._ “You won’t have enough credits to graduate.” “I’ll catch up next year.” “Maybe you should talk to your parents about that.” The door opened behind me, but whoever it was did not think of me, so I ignored the arrival and concentrated on Ms. Cope. **

“$100 it’s the girl,” Jasper said looking at Emmet who thought about it

"Deal," Emmett shook Jasper's hand

**I leaned slightly closer and stared as if I was gazing more deeply into her eyes. This would work better if they were gold today instead of black. The blackness frightened people, as it should. My miscalculation affected the woman. She flinched back, confused by her conflicting instincts. “Please, Ms. Cope?” I murmured, my voice as smooth and compelling as it could be, and her momentary aversion eased. “Isn’t there some other section I could switch to? I’m sure there has to be an open slot somewhere? Sixth-hour Biology can’t be the only option.…” I smiled at her, careful not to flash my teeth so widely that it would scare her again, letting the expression soften my face. Her heart drummed faster. _Too young_ , she reminded herself frantically. **

“Nicely done, I knew you had it in you Eddie,” Emmett laughed at me. He thought it was hilarious that I had to flirt with Ms. Cope to change my classes and that it was working so well.

**“Well, maybe I could talk to Bob—I mean Mr. Banner. I could see if—” A second was all it took to change everything: the atmosphere in the room, my mission here, the reason I leaned toward the red-haired woman.… What had been for one purpose was now for another. A second was all it took for Samantha Wells to enter the room, place a signed tardy slip in the basket by the door, and hurry out again, in a rush to be away from school. A sudden gust of wind through the open door crashed into me, and I realized why that first person through the door had not interrupted me with her thoughts. I turned, though I did not need to make sure. Bella Swan stood with her back pressed to the wall beside the door, a piece of paper clutched in her hands.**

Jasper smiled at Emmett who just glared at him before handing over the money.

**Her eyes were even larger than before as she took in my ferocious, inhuman glare. The smell of her blood saturated every particle of air in the tiny, hot room. My throat burst into flames. The monster glared back at me from the mirror of her eyes again, a mask of evil. My hand hesitated in the air above the counter. I would not have to look back in order to reach across it and slam Ms. Cope’s head into her desk with enough force to kill her. Two lives rather than twenty. A trade. The monster waited anxiously, hungrily, for me to do it. But there was always a choice—there _had_ to be. **

Everyone nodded looking at me.

**I cut off the motion of my lungs and fixed Carlisle’s face in front of my eyes. I turned back to face Ms. Cope and heard her internal surprise at the change in my expression. She shrank away from me, but her fear did not form into coherent words. Using all the control I’d mastered in my decades of self-denial, I made my voice even and smooth. There was just enough air left in my lungs to speak once more, rushing through the words. “Never mind, then. I can see that it’s impossible. Thank you so much for your help.” I spun and launched myself from the room, trying not to feel the warm blooded heat of the girl’s body as I passed within inches of it.**

“Why do you have to be so perfect,” Emmett joked but I understood the thought behind it. He had not been able to resist his singers and here I was choosing twice now to ignore her and leave her alive. Carlisle and Esme were proud that I was able to resist her twice

**I didn’t stop until I was in my car, moving too fast the entire way there. Most of the humans had cleared out already, so there weren’t a lot of witnesses. I heard a sophomore, D. J. Garrett, notice and then disregard.… _Where did Cullen come from? It was like he just came out of thin air.… There I go, with the imagination again. Mom always says…_**

****

“That was just luck. When this day comes you need to focus more,” Alice said looking up at me. I just looked at her. I knew she knew so far that I was planning on leaving but I got the feeling the books would perhaps show me a way to stay. I didn’t want to leave my family.

****

**When I slid into my Volvo, the others were already there. I tried to control my breathing, but I was gasping at the fresh air as if I’d been suffocated. “Edward?” Alice asked, alarm in her voice. I just shook my head at her. “What the hell happened to you?” Emmett demanded, distracted for the moment from the fact that Jasper was not in the mood for his rematch.**

Emmett just glared at Jasper who just smiled at him

**Instead of answering, I threw the car into reverse. I had to get out of this lot before Bella Swan could follow me here, too. My own personal demon, tormenting me… I swung the car around and accelerated. I hit forty before I was out of the parking lot. On the road, I hit seventy before I made the corner. Without looking, I knew that Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper had all turned to stare at Alice. She shrugged. She couldn’t see what had passed, only what was coming. She looked ahead for me now. We both processed what she saw in her head, and we were both surprised. “You’re leaving?” she whispered.**

“No,” Alice and Esme said at the same time. I just looked down at my hands

“There is still time. Perhaps the books will help,’ Carlisle said trying to comfort Esme.

**The others stared at me now. “Am I?” I snarled through my teeth. She saw it then, as my resolve wavered and another choice spun my future in a darker direction. “Oh.” Bella Swan, dead. My eyes, glowing crimson with fresh blood. The search that would follow. The careful time we would wait before it was safe for us to pull out of Forks and start again… “Oh,” she said again. The picture grew more specific. I saw the inside of Chief Swan’s house for the first time, saw Bella in a small kitchen with yellow cupboards, her back to me as I stalked her from the shadows, let the scent pull me toward her.… “Stop!” I groaned, not able to bear more.**

“Not good,” Alice and Jasper said at the same time. They didn’t want to push my resolve any further then it needed

**“Sorry,” she whispered. The monster rejoiced. And the vision in her head shifted again. An empty highway at night, the trees beside it coated in snow, flashing by at almost two hundred miles per hour.**

“Small trip,” I said trying to smile for Esme who looked like if she could she would be crying,

**“I’ll miss you,” she said. “No matter how short a time you’re gone.” Emmett and Rosalie exchanged an apprehensive glance. We were almost to the turnoff onto the long drive that led to our home. “Drop us here,” Alice instructed. “You should tell Carlisle yourself.” I nodded, and the car squealed to a sudden stop. Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper got out in silence; they would make Alice explain when I was gone.**

“Like always,” Alice smiled shaking her head at me

**Alice touched my shoulder. “You will do the right thing,” she murmured. Not a vision this time—an order. “She’s Charlie Swan’s only family. It would kill him, too.” “Yes,” I said, agreeing only with the last part. She slid out to join the others, her eyebrows pulling together in anxiety. They melted into the woods, out of sight before I could turn the car around. I knew the visions in Alice’s head would be flashing from dark to bright like a strobe light as I sped back to Forks doing ninety. I wasn’t sure where I was going. To say goodbye to my father? Or to embrace the monster inside me? The road flew away beneath my tires.**

“To say goodbye,” Carlisle smiled at me, so sure that I was going to do the right thing. Esme took the book from Alice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own any of the books or the characters they are all the property of Stephanie Meyer  
> Reviews are greatly appreciated  
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	3. Mid-2. OPEN BOOK

  1. **OPEN BOOK**



**I LEANED BACK AGAINST THE SOFT SNOWBANK, LETTING THE DRY POWDER reshape itself around my weight. My skin had cooled to match the air around me, and the tiny pieces of ice felt like velvet under my skin. The sky above me was clear, brilliant with stars, glowing blue in some places, yellow in others. The stars created majestic, swirling shapes against the black backdrop of the empty universe—an awesome sight. Exquisitely beautiful.**

Everyone nodded agreeing with book me as I described the night sky. One of the upsides of us is what we were was most defiantly the eyesight

**Or rather, it should have been exquisite. Would have been, if I’d been able to really see it. It wasn’t getting any better. Six days had passed, six days I’d hidden here in the empty Denali wilderness,**

Everyone let a breath of relief, happy that I had not gone too far from my family

**but I was no closer to freedom than I had been since the first moment I’d caught her scent.**

Alice, Carlisle and Esme all smile at me with a knowing smile. Jasper, Emmet and Rosalie just looked at me with a questioning look 

**When I stared up at the jeweled sky, it was as if there were an obstruction between my eyes and its beauty. The obstruction was a face, just an unremarkable human face,**

“Eddie are you in love?” Emmett teased, I just glared at him,

**but I couldn’t quite seem to banish it from my mind. I heard the approaching thoughts before I heard the footsteps that accompanied them. The sound of movement was only a faint whisper against the powder. I was not surprised that Tanya had followed me here.**

My mother and sisters groaned along with me, my father and brothers just gave me a sad smile. I rolled my eye. When was Tanya going to get the hint I was not interested in her.

**I knew she’d been mulling over this coming conversation for the last few days, putting it off until she was sure of exactly what she wanted to say. She sprang into sight about sixty yards away, leaping onto the tip of an outcropping of black rock and balancing there on the balls of her bare feet. Tanya’s skin was silver in the starlight, and her long blond curls shone pale, almost pink with their strawberry tint. Her amber eyes glinted as she spied me, half-buried in the snow, and her full lips stretched slowly into a smile. Exquisite.**

Everyone looked at me with a raised eyebrow

**_If_ ** **I’d really been able to see her.**

And the knowing smiles were back on everyone’s faces

**I sighed. She hadn’t dressed for human eyes; she wore only a thin cotton camisole and a pair of shorts. Crouching down on a promontory of stone, she touched the rock with her fingertips, and her body coiled. _Cannonball_ , she thought. She launched herself into the air. Her shape became a dark, twisting shadow as she spun gracefully between the stars and me. She curled herself into a ball just as she struck the piled snowbank beside me. A blizzard of snow flew up around me. The stars went black and I was buried deep in the feathery ice crystals. I sighed again, breathing in the ice, but didn’t move to unearth myself. The blackness under the snow neither hurt nor improved the view. I still saw the same face. **

“Oh he has it bad,” Emmett smiled existed to see how much teasing material he was going to get

**“Edward?” Then snow was flying again as Tanya swiftly disinterred me. She brushed the powder from my skin, not quite meeting my gaze. “Sorry,” she murmured. “It was a joke.” “I know. It was funny.” Her mouth twisted down.**

“Sure that’s why you're laughing so hard," Jasper said sarcastically

**“Irina and Kate said I should leave you alone. They think I’m annoying you.” “Not at all,” I assured her. “On the contrary, I’m the one who’s being rude—abominably rude. I’m very sorry.”**

“Such a gentleman,” Esme said proud of me

**_You’re going home, aren’t you?_ ** **she thought. “I haven’t… entirely… decided that yet.” _But you’re not staying here._ Her thought was wistful now. “No. It doesn’t seem to be… helping.” Her lips pushed out into a pout. “That’s my fault, isn’t it?” “Of course not.” She hadn’t made anything easier, for certain, but the face that haunted me was the only true impediment. _Don’t be a gentleman._ I smiled. _I make you uncomfortable_ , she accused. “No.” She raised one eyebrow, her expression so disbelieving that I had to laugh. One short laugh, followed by another sigh. “All right,” I admitted. “A little bit.” She sighed, too, and put her chin in her hands. **

“And here it comes, Edward cheering up Tanya,” Rosalie rolled her eyes.

**“You’re a thousand times lovelier than the stars, Tanya. Of course, you’re already well aware of that. Don’t let my stubbornness undermine your confidence.” I chuckled at the unlikeliness of _that_. “I’m not used to rejection,” she grumbled, her lower lip pushing out into an attractive pout. “Certainly not,” I agreed, trying with little success to block out her thoughts as she fleetingly sifted through memories of her thousands of successful conquests. **

"Oh, that must suck," Emmett said, happy that he didn't have my powers. Everyone nodded none of them wanted to hear about the Denali's past lovers

**Mostly, Tanya preferred human men—they were much more populous for one thing, with the added advantage of being soft and warm. And always eager, definitely. “Succubus,” I teased,**

“So true,” Alice and Rosalie nodded, not liking how Tanya and her sisters acted towards human men

**hoping to interrupt the images flickering in her head. She grinned, flashing her teeth. “The original.” Unlike Carlisle, Tanya and her sisters had discovered their consciences slowly. In the end, it was their fondness for human men that turned them against the slaughter. Now the men they loved**

“Eddie that is not love, that is just plain sex,” Jasper smiled at me when I just looked away from him and rolled my eyes

**… lived. “When you showed up here,” Tanya said slowly, “I thought that…” I’d known what she’d thought. And I should have guessed that she would feel that way. But I’d not been at my best for analytical thinking in that moment. “You thought that I’d changed my mind.” “Yes.” She scowled. “I feel horrible for toying with your expectations,**

“Oh brother you are not toying with her, she needs to stop bothering you.” Rosalie started

“How many time had you made it clear to her that you’re not interested, she needs to get over herself,” Alice finished

**Tanya. I didn’t mean to—I wasn’t thinking. It’s just that I left in… quite a hurry.” “I don’t suppose you’d tell me why?” I sat up and folded my arms across my chest, my shoulders rigid. “I’d prefer not to talk about it. Please forgive my reserve.” She was quiet again, still speculating. I ignored her, trying in vain to appreciate the stars. She gave up after a silent moment, and her thoughts pursued a new direction. _Where will you go, Edward, if you leave? Back to Carlisle?_ “I don’t think so,” I whispered. Where would I go? I could not think of one place on the entire planet that held any interest for me. There was nothing I wanted to see or do. Because no matter where I went, I would not be going _to_ anywhere—I would only be running _from_. **

“So true, just get back to town, and everything will be fine,” Carlisle said hoping my book counterpart would be coming back home soon.

“And if I kill her?” I asked my father who was still keeping his thoughts from me.

“You won’t,” Esme and Alice said at the same time.

**I hated that. When had I become such a coward? Tanya threw her slender arm around my shoulders. I stiffened but did not flinch from her touch. She meant it as nothing more than friendly comfort. Mostly. “I think that you _will_ go back,” she said, her voice taking on just a hint of her long-lost Russian accent. “No matter what it is… or who it is… that haunts you. You’ll face it head-on. You’re the type.” **

Everyone nodded at that, agreeing with Tanya

**Her thoughts were as certain as her words. I tried to embrace the vision of myself that she saw. The one who faced things head-on. It was pleasant to think of myself that way again. I’d never doubted my courage, my ability to face difficulty, before that horrible hour in a high school Biology class such a short time ago. I kissed her cheek, pulling back swiftly when she twisted her face toward mine. She smiled ruefully at my quickness. “Thank you, Tanya. I needed to hear that.” Her thoughts turned petulant. “You’re welcome, I guess. I wish you would be more reasonable about things, Edward.” “I’m sorry, Tanya. You know you’re far too good for me. I just… haven’t found what I’m looking for yet.”**

“Oh I think he found who he was looking for,” Alice said existed

"What do you mean?" Rosalie asked looking at Alice

“Isn’t oblivious Bella is his mate. All the signs are there,” Alice said existed

“But she’s human,” I said shocked.

“Let’s see how the book unfolds before me make any decisions,” Carlisle said looking at me 

**“Well, if you leave before I see you again… goodbye, Edward.” “Goodbye, Tanya.” As I said the words, I could see it. I could see myself leaving. Being strong enough to go back to the one place I wanted to be. “Again, thank you.” She was on her feet in one nimble move, and then she was running away, ghosting across the snow so quickly that her feet had no time to sink in. She left no prints behind her. She didn’t look back. My rejection bothered her more than she’d let on before, even in her thoughts.**

Everyone rolled their eyes

**She wouldn’t want to see me again before I left. My mouth twisted downward. I didn’t like hurting Tanya, though her feelings were not deep, hardly pure, and, in any case, not something I could return. It still made me feel less than a gentleman. I put my chin on my knees and stared up at the stars again, though I was suddenly anxious to be on my way. I knew that Alice would see me coming home, that she would tell the others.**

“Well you know me,” Alice said happily

**This would make them happy—Carlisle and Esme especially. But I gazed at the stars for one more moment, trying to see past the face in my head. Between me and the brilliant lights in the sky, a pair of bewildered chocolate-brown eyes wondered at my motives, seeming to ask what this decision would mean for _her_. Of course, I couldn’t be sure that was really the information her curious eyes sought. Even in my imagination, I couldn’t hear her thoughts. **

“That is perhaps because you are imagining her face,” Emmett smiled.

“You know what book version of me meant,” I glared back at Emmett

**Bella Swan’s eyes continued to question, and an unobstructed view of the stars continued to elude me. With a heavy sigh, I gave up and got to my feet. If I ran, I would be back to Carlisle’s car in less than an hour. In a hurry to see my family—and wanting very much to be the Edward who faced things head-on**

“You will always be him,” Esme smiled at me. I smiled at my mother happy that she had so much faith in me

**—I raced across the starlit snowfield, leaving no footprints.**

Smiles were on everyone face happy that I was coming home,

**“It’s going to be okay,” Alice breathed. Her eyes were unfocused, and Jasper had one hand lightly under her elbow, guiding her forward as we walked into the run-down cafeteria in a close-huddled group. Rosalie and Emmett led the way, Emmett looking ridiculously like a bodyguard in the middle of hostile territory. Rose looked wary, too, but much more irritated than protective.**

“So business like normal,” Alice shook her head. Everyone nodded agreeing with her.

“But the only difference is now we have to protect the humans from Edward, not Jasper," Rosalie said shaking her head.

**“Of course it is,” I grumbled. Their behavior was ludicrous. If I weren’t positive that I could handle this moment, I would have stayed home. The sudden shift from our normal, even playful morning—it had snowed in the night, and Emmett and Jasper were not above taking advantage of my distraction to bombard me with slushballs;**

Jasper and Emmett both laughed at that while I just shook my head at them

**when they got bored with my lack of response, they’d turned on each other—to this overdone vigilance would have been comical if it weren’t so irritating. “She’s not here yet, but the way she’s going to come in… she won’t be downwind if we sit in our regular spot.” “ _Of course_ we’ll sit in our regular spot. Stop it, Alice. You’re getting on my nerves. I’ll be absolutely fine.” **

“Sorry,” Alice smiled at me.

“Edward she was just trying to be helpful,” Esme scolded me

**She blinked once as Jasper helped her into her seat, and her eyes finally focused on my face. “Hmm,” she said, sounding surprised. “I think you’re right.” “ _Of course_ I am,” I muttered. I hated being the focus of their concern. I felt a sudden sympathy for Jasper, remembering all the times we’d hovered protectively over him. **

“Not fun is it,” Jasper smiled at me

"Not at all. Sorry," I said smiling at him apologetically. All of our siblings said sorry too 

**He met my glance briefly, and grinned. _Annoying, isn’t it?_ I glowered at him. Was it just last week that this long, drab room had seemed so killingly dull to me? That it had seemed almost like sleep, like a coma, to be here? Today my nerves were stretched tight—piano wires, tensed to sing at the lightest pressure. My senses were hyper alert; I scanned every sound, every sight, every movement of the air that touched my skin, every thought. **

“Too bad you can’t hear her thoughts,” Emmett laughed at me.

“Edward you need to calm down, you won’t hurt her. Plus you’re siblings will stop you from harming her,” Esme smiled at me 

**Especially the thoughts. There was only one sense that I kept locked down, refused to use. Smell, of course. I didn’t breathe.**

“That is going to help,” Jasper nodded

**I was expecting to hear more about the Cullens in the thoughts that I sifted through. All day I’d been waiting, searching for whichever new acquaintance Bella Swan might have confided in, trying to see the direction the new gossip would take. But there was nothing. No one particularly noticed the five vampires in the cafeteria,**

That shocked everyone, we all thought that she would have spoken to someone about my behaviour the last time

**just as before the girl had come. Several of the humans here were still thinking of her, still thinking the same thoughts from last week. Instead of finding this unutterably boring, I was now fascinated. Had she said nothing to anyone about me? There was no way that she had not noticed my black, murderous glare. I had seen her react to it. Surely, I’d traumatized her. I was convinced that she would have mentioned it to someone, maybe even have exaggerated the story a bit to make it better. Given me a few menacing lines.**

Everyone nodded. We all were wondering why she hasn’t told anyone anything. We all looked to the Twilight book on the table, but not one of us reached for it

**And then she’d also heard me trying to get out of our shared Biology class. She must have wondered, after seeing my expression, whether she was the cause. A normal girl would have asked around, compared her experience to others’, looked for common ground that would explain my behavior so she didn’t feel singled out. Humans were constantly desperate to feel normal, to fit in. To blend in with everyone else around them, like a featureless flock of sheep. The need was particularly strong during the insecure adolescent years. This girl would be no exception to that rule.**

Everyone nodded; we had seen how many times that had been the case with the humans

**But no one at all took notice of us sitting here, at our usual table. Bella must be exceptionally shy if she’d hadn’t confided in anyone.**

“Well that could be the case, perhaps she told her father,” Carlisle said looking at me

“Most probably,” I answered thinking about it.

**Perhaps she had spoken to her father; maybe that was the strongest relationship… though that seemed unlikely, given that she had spent so little time with him throughout her life. She would be closer to her mother.**

"That's so sad, she should have strong relations to both of her parents," Esme said sadly, she hated the idea of someone not having a loving relationship with their parents. And given that they all thought Bella was my mate made Esme more protective over her

**Still, I would have to pass by Chief Swan sometime soon and listen to what he was thinking. “Anything new?” Jasper asked. I concentrated, allowing all the swarms of thoughts to invade my mind** **again. There wasn’t anything that stood out; no one was thinking of us. Despite my earlier worries, it didn’t seem that there was anything wrong with my abilities, aside from the silent girl.**

"Told you," Carlisle said looking at me. I just let out a sigh of relieve 

**I’d shared my concerns with Carlisle upon my return, but he’d only ever heard of talents growing stronger with practice. Never did they atrophy. Jasper waited impatiently. “Nothing. She… must not have said anything.” All of them raised eyebrows at this news. “Maybe you’re not as scary as you think you are,” Emmett said, chuckling. “I bet I could have frightened her better than _that_.” **

“Emmett,” Esme, Alice and Rosalie scolded him

**I rolled my eyes at him. “Wonder why…?” He puzzled again over my revelation about the girl’s unique silence. “We’ve been over that. I don’t _know_.” “She’s coming in,” Alice murmured then. My body froze. “Try to look human.” “Human, you say?” Emmett asked. He held up his right fist, twisting his fingers to reveal the snowball he’d saved in his palm. **

“You better not,” I growled at Emmett who just smiled at me evilly

**It had not melted there; he’d squeezed it into a lumpy block of ice. He had his eyes on Jasper, but I saw the direction of his thoughts. So did Alice,**

“You better not,” Alice glared at him, while Jasper just glared at our brother

**of course. When he abruptly hurled the ice chunk at her, she flicked it away with a casual flutter of her fingers. The ice ricocheted across the length of the cafeteria, too fast to be visible to human eyes, and shattered with a sharp crack against the brick wall. The brick cracked, too.**

“Alice, Emmett!” Esme and Carlisle scolded the two who just looked down ashamed

**The heads in that corner of the room all turned to stare at the pile of broken ice on the floor, and then swiveled to find the culprit. They didn’t look farther than a few tables away. No one looked at us.**

Esme and Carlisle let out a breath of relieve

**“Very human, Emmett,” Rosalie said scathingly. “Why don’t you punch through the wall while you’re at it?” “It would look more impressive if you did it, gorgeous.” I tried to pay attention to them, keeping a grin fixed on my face as though I were part of their banter. I did not allow myself to look toward the line where I knew she was standing.**

Everyone but Rosalie smiled knowingly at me

**But that was all I was listening to. I could hear Jessica’s impatience with the new girl, who seemed to be distracted, too, standing motionless in the moving line. I saw, in Jessica’s thoughts, that Bella Swan’s cheeks were once more colored bright pink with blood. I pulled in a few short, shallow breaths, ready to quit breathing if any hint of her scent touched the air near me.**

Jasper and Carlisle nodded approvingly

**Mike Newton was with the two girls. I heard both his voices, mental and verbal, when he asked Jessica what was wrong with the Swan girl. It was distasteful the way his thoughts wrapped around her, the flicker of already established fantasies that clouded his mind while he watched her start and look up from her reverie as though she’d forgotten he was there.**

Everyone laughed at that

**“Nothing,” I heard Bella say in that quiet, clear voice. It seemed to ring like a struck bell over the babble in the cafeteria, but I knew that was just because I was listening for it so intently. “I’ll just get a soda today,” she continued as she moved to catch up with the line.**

“That can’t be healthy,” Esme said worried for Bella, I was also worried for her, from what I could tell from the book she was small and not eating was not good for her

**I couldn’t help flickering one glance in her direction. She was staring at the floor, the blood slowly fading from her face. I looked away quickly, to Emmett, who laughed at the now pained-looking smile on my face. _You look sick, brother mine._ I rearranged my features so the expression would seem casual and effortless. **

"Smart move, but then again no-one pays us any attention either way," Rosalie rolled her eyes, she rather liked it when the humans would admire her beauty 

**Jessica was wondering aloud about the girl’s lack of appetite. “Aren’t you hungry?” “Actually, I feel a little sick.” Her voice was lower, but still very clear. Why did it bother me, the protective concern that suddenly emanated from Mike Newton’s thoughts?**

I shook my head trying to get rid of the emotions suddenly fulling me. They were similar to those described in the book. Jasper looked at me with a raised eyebrow; I just shook my head at him

**What did it matter that there was a possessive edge to them? It wasn’t my business if Mike Newton felt unnecessarily anxious for her. Perhaps this was the way everyone responded to her. Hadn’t I wanted, instinctively, to protect her, too?**

"Well, that would be your mate bond starting to kick in," Carlisle said looking at me

“That is not how we all acted upon meeting our mates,” Rosalie said still not believing that Bella was my mate. I nodded my head agreeing with her

“Well Bella is still human, perhaps that is the reason why your instincts are slightly dulled or calmer then you would see in a vampire mated pair,” Carlisle said curious, he was eager to see how it all would develop. Carlisle got up and quickly ran to his office to fetch one of his notebooks. He returned busy writing about all his thoughts and questions about what we had read so far

**Before I’d wanted to kill her, that is… But _was_ the girl ill? It was hard to judge—she looked so delicate with her translucent skin.…Then I realized that I was worrying, just like that dimwitted boy, and I forced myself not to think about her health. Regardless, I didn’t like monitoring her through Mike’s thoughts. **

“I don’t think anyone would like that, mate or not,” Alice said shuttering at the thought of hearing Mike Newton’s thoughts

**I switched to Jessica’s, watching carefully as the three of them chose which table to sit at. Fortunately, they sat with Jessica’s usual companions, at one of the first tables in the room. Not downwind, just as Alice had promised. Alice elbowed me. _She’s going to look soon. Act human._ I clenched my teeth behind my grin. “Ease up, Edward,” Emmett said. “Honestly. So you kill one human. That’s hardly the end of the world.” **

“Well if she is his mate then it would be the end of his world,” Rosalie said looking at Emmett who looked at her before kissing her cheek,

**“You would know,” I murmured. Emmett laughed. “You’ve got to learn to get over things. Like I do. Eternity is a long time to wallow in guilt.” Just then, Alice tossed a smaller handful of ice that she’d been hiding into Emmett’s unsuspecting face.**

Alice smiled at Emmett who just shook his head before smiling at Alice eager for a snow fight

**He blinked, surprised, and then grinned in anticipation. “You asked for it,” he said as he leaned across the table and shook his ice encrusted hair in her direction. The snow, melting in the warm room, flew out from his hair in a thick shower of half liquid, half ice. “Ew!” Rose complained as she and Alice recoiled from the deluge. Alice laughed, and we all joined in.**

Esme smiled happy that her children were at least having some fun

**I could see in Alice’s head how she’d orchestrated this perfect moment, and I knew that the girl—I should stop thinking of her that way,**

“Agreed. It is not nice to think of your mate like that,” Esme shook her head at me

**as if she were the only girl in the world**

“That was not what I meant,” Esme shook her head at me

**—that _Bella_ would be watching us laugh and play, looking as happy and human and unrealistically ideal as a Norman Rockwell painting. Alice kept laughing and held her tray up as a shield. The girl—Bella— must still be staring at us. _… staring at the Cullens again_ ,**

“Well that makes sense,” Jasper smiled snuggling into Alice more

**someone thought, catching my attention. I looked automatically toward the unintentional call, easily recognizing the voice as my eyes found their destination—I’d been listening to it so much today. But my eyes slid right past Jessica and focused on the girl’s penetrating gaze.**

“well that’s not obvious is it,” Rosalie rolled her eyes at me

**She looked down quickly, hiding behind her thick hair again. What was she thinking? The frustration seemed to be getting more acute as time went on, rather than dulling. I tried—uncertain, for I’d never done this before—to probe with my mind at the silence around her. My extra hearing had always come to me naturally, without asking; I’d never had to work at it. But I concentrated now, trying to break through whatever armor surrounded her. Nothing but silence.**

“That must be frustrating,” Alice said trying to imagen how she would feel if she was not able to see someone’s decisions

**_What_ ** **is _it about her?_ Jessica thought, echoing my own irritation. “Edward Cullen is staring at you,” she whispered in the Swan girl’s ear, adding a giggle. There was no hint of her jealous annoyance in her tone. Jessica seemed to be skilled at feigning friendship. I listened, too engrossed, to the girl’s response. “He doesn’t look angry, does he?” she whispered back. So she _had_ noticed my wild reaction last week. Of course she had. **

“Well it would have been difficult to not see it,” Carlisle shook his head.

**The question confused Jessica. I saw my own face in her thoughts as she checked my expression, but I did not meet her glance. I was still concentrating on the girl, trying to hear _something_. Intent focus didn’t seem to help at all. “No,” Jess told her, and I knew that she wished she could say yes—how it rankled her, my staring—though there was no trace of that in her voice. “Should he be?” “I don’t think he likes me,” the girl whispered back, laying her head down on her arm as if she were suddenly tired. **

"No, he doesn't," Everyone said at the same time

**I tried to understand the motion, but I could only make guesses. Maybe she _was_ tired. “The Cullens don’t like anybody,” Jess reassured her. “Well, they don’t notice anybody enough to like them.” _They never used to._ Her thought was a grumble of complaint. “But he’s still staring at you.” “Stop looking at him,” the girl said anxiously, lifting her head from her arm to make sure Jessica obeyed the order. **

“Strange,” Carlisle wrote something ells down, he was enjoying this more and more. It had been such a long time since he found something as interesting as this

**Jessica giggled, but did as she was asked. The girl did not look away from her table for the rest of the hour. I thought—though, of course, I could not be sure—that this was deliberate.**

Alice, Rosalie and Esme all nodded agreeing with the book

**It seemed as though she wanted to look at me. Her body would shift slightly in my direction, her chin would begin to turn, and then she would catch herself, take a deep breath, and stare fixedly at whoever was speaking. I ignored the other thoughts around the girl for the most part, as they were not, momentarily, about her. Mike Newton was planning a snowball fight in the parking lot after school, not seeming to realize that the snow had already shifted to rain.**

“Aw,” Emmett said sadly, he was looking forward to see what type of snow fight he and Alice would have had

**The flutter of soft flakes against the roof had become the more common patter of raindrops. Could he really not hear the change? It seemed loud to me. When the lunch period ended, I stayed in my seat. The humans filed out, and I caught myself trying to distinguish the sound of her footsteps from the rest, as if there were something important or unusual about them.**

“Oh he most certainly has it bad,” Rosalie shook her head, not wanting to believe that I would fall for a human

**How stupid. My family made no move to leave, either. They waited to see what I would do. Would I go to class, sit beside the girl, where I could smell the absurdly potent scent of her blood and feel the warmth of her pulse in the air on my skin? Was I strong enough for that? Or had I had enough for one day? As a family, we’d already discussed this moment from every possible angle. Carlisle disapproved of the risk, but he wouldn’t impose his will on mine.**

Carlisle nodded

**Jasper disapproved nearly as much, but from fear of exposure rather than any concern for humankind.**

Jasper thought about it before nodded

**Rosalie only worried about how it would affect her life.**

Rosalie only smirked

**Alice saw so many obscure, conflicting futures that her visions were atypically unhelpful.**

Alice pouted not liking it that she wasn’t helpful

**Esme thought I could do no wrong.**

Esme smiled and nodded

**And Emmett just wanted to compare stories about his own experiences with particularly appealing scents.**

Emmett smirked

**He pulled Jasper into his reminiscing, though Jasper’s history with self-control was so short and so uneven that he was unable to be sure he’d ever had an analogous struggle. Emmett, on the other hand, remembered two such incidents. His memories of them were not encouraging.**

“Sorry,” Emmett looked between Jasper and me

**But he’d been younger then, not as adept at self-control. Surely, I was stronger than that.**

“Sadly you are,” Emmett shook his head at me. I was just hoping that I wouldn’t kill the girl

**“I… _think_ it’s okay,” Alice said, hesitant. “Your mind is set. I _think_ you’ll make it through the hour.” But Alice knew well how quickly a mind could change. “Why push it, Edward?” Jasper asked. Though he didn’t want to feel smug that I was the weak one now, I could hear that he did, just a little. **

Jasper look apologetic, I just smiled at him 

**“Go home. Take it slow.” “What’s the big deal?” Emmett disagreed. “Either he will or he won’t kill her. Might as well get it over with, either way.”**

“Hate to say it, but I agree with Emmett,” Alice said looking at me

**“I don’t want to move yet,” Rosalie complained. “I don’t want to start over. We’re almost out of high school, Emmett. _Finally._ ” I was evenly torn on the decision. I wanted, wanted badly, to face this head-on rather than running away again. But I didn’t want to push myself too far, either.**

“Sensible, but you will be fine,” Esme smiled at me. she was already planning on how she would change my room to fit Bella into it.

**It had been a mistake last week for Jasper to go so long without hunting; was this just as pointless a mistake? I didn’t want to uproot my family. None of them would thank me for that. But I wanted to go to my Biology class. I realized that I wanted to see her face again. That’s what decided it for me. That curiosity.**

Everyone smiled at me and shook their heads.

**I was angry with myself for feeling it. Hadn’t I promised myself that I wouldn’t let the silence of the girl’s mind make me unduly interested in her? And yet, here I was, most unduly interested. I wanted to know what she was thinking. Her mind was closed, but her eyes were very open. Perhaps I could read them instead.**

“This should be interesting,” Carlisle smiled, he was curious to see how Bella was reacting with bond

**“No, Rose, I think it really will be okay,” Alice said. “It’s… firming up. I’m ninety-three percent sure that nothing bad will happen if he goes to class.” She looked at me, inquisitive, wondering what had changed in my thoughts that made her vision of the future more secure. Would curiosity be enough to keep Bella Swan alive? Emmett was right, though—why not get it over with, either way?**

“precisely,” Emmett nodded

**I would face the temptation head-on. “Go to class,” I ordered, pushing away from the table. I turned and strode away from them without looking back. I could hear Alice’s worry, Jasper’s censure, Emmett’s approval, and Rosalie’s irritation trailing after me. I took one last deep breath at the door of the classroom, and then held it in my lungs as I walked into the small, warm space.**

“You are going to be okay,” Everyone said at the same time.

**I was not late. Mr. Banner was still setting up for today’s lab. The girl sat at my—at _our_ table, **

“I bet you loved saying that,” Jasper smirked at me

**her face down again, staring at the folder she was doodling on. I examined the sketch as I approached, interested in even this trivial creation of her mind, but it was meaningless. Just a random scribbling of loops within loops. Perhaps she was not concentrating on the pattern, but thinking of something else?**

“Most likely,” Carlisle said thinking about it

**I pulled my chair back with unnecessary roughness, letting it scrape across the linoleum—humans always felt more comfortable when noise announced someone’s approach. I knew she heard the sound; she did not look up, but her hand missed a loop in the design she was drawing, making it unbalanced. Why didn’t she look up?**

“Perhaps because last time you glared at her and she thought that you hated her,” Esme shook her head, not wanting me to make my mate sadder

**Probably she was frightened. I must be sure to leave her with a different impression this time.**

“Eddie,” Emmett teased

**Make her think she’d been imagining things before.**

“Sure,” Jasper smiled teasing me along with Emmett

**“Hello,” I said in the quiet voice I used when I wanted to make humans more comfortable, forming a polite smile with my lips that would not show any teeth. She looked up then, her wide brown eyes startled and full of silent questions. It was the same expression that had been obstructing my vision for the past week. As I stared into those oddly deep brown eyes—the color was like milk chocolate, but the clarity was more comparable to strong tea, there was a depth and transparency; near her pupils, there were tiny flecks of agate green and golden caramel**

“Pretty,” Alice, Esme and Rosalie said at the same time.

**—I realized that my hate, the hate I’d imagined this girl somehow deserved for simply existing, had evaporated. Not breathing now, not tasting her scent, I found it hard to believe that anyone so vulnerable could ever be deserving of hatred.**

“Aww,’ Alice, Esme and Rosalie said at the same time, while Jasper, Emmett and Jasper looked at their mates and thought the same thing as I did in the book

**Her cheeks began to flush, and she said nothing. I kept my eyes on hers, focusing only on their questioning depths, and tried to ignore the appetizing color of her skin. I had enough breath to speak for a while longer without inhaling. “My name is Edward Cullen,” I said, though she already knew it. It was the polite way to begin. “I didn’t have a chance to introduce myself last week. You must be Bella Swan.”**

“Don’t use her preferred name. Use her full name,” Alice shook her head.

“Why?” I asked looking at my sister, but she didn't answer 

**She seemed confused—there was that little pucker between her eyes again. It took her half a second longer than it should have to respond. “How do you know my name?” she demanded, and her voice shook just a little. I must have truly terrified her, and this made me feel guilty.**

“As it should,” Esme said not happy that my mate was afraid of me.

**I laughed gently—it was a sound that I knew made humans more at ease. “Oh, I think everyone knows your name.” Surely, she must have realized that she’d become the center of attention in this monotonous place. “The whole town’s been waiting for you to arrive.” She frowned as if this information was unpleasant. I supposed, being shy as she appeared to be, attention would seem like a bad thing to her. Most humans felt the opposite. Though they didn’t want to stand out from the herd, at the same time they craved a spotlight for their individual uniformity. “No,” she said. “I meant, why did you call me Bella?” “Do you prefer Isabella?” I asked, perplexed that I couldn’t see where this question was leading.**

Alice shook her head before smiling at me

**I didn’t understand. She’d made her preference clear many times that first day. Were all humans this incomprehensible without the mental context as a guide? How much I must rely on that extra sense. Would I be completely blind without it?**

“It would seem so,” Jasper smiled, Emmett was also happy that I was finally feeling how it felt to be normal like the rest of them

**“No, I like Bella,” she answered, leaning her head slightly to one side. Her expression—if I was reading it correctly—was torn between embarrassment and confusion. “But I think Charlie—I mean my dad—**

“That is rather sad, she should have a better relationship with her father,” Esme said sadly. She didn’t like it that Bella didn’t have a great relationship with her father

**must call me Isabella behind my back. That’s what everyone here seems to know me as.” Her skin darkened one shade pinker.**

“See now she is going to wonder how you know to know that she prefers Bella to Isabella,” Alice explained shaking her head at me.

“Sorry,” I said at her

**“Oh,” I said, and quickly looked away from her face. I’d just realized what her questions meant: I had slipped up—made an error. If I hadn’t been eavesdropping on all the others that first day, then I would have addressed her initially by her full name. She’d noticed the difference. I felt a pang of unease. It was very quick of her to pick up on my slip. Quite astute, especially for someone who was supposed to be terrified by my proximity.**

“Hmm,” Carlisle wondered what other things would be different about Bella.

**But I had bigger problems than whatever suspicions about me she might be keeping locked inside her head. I was out of air.**

"Well here comes the moment of truth," Jasper said worriedly. Everyone had a small amount of worry, well everyone but Esme

**If I were going to speak to her again, I would have to inhale. It would be hard to avoid speaking. Unfortunately for her, sharing this table made her my lab partner, and we would have to work together today. It would seem odd—and incomprehensibly rude—for me to ignore her while we did the lab. It would make her more suspicious,**

Everyone nodded agreeing with me

**more afraid. I leaned as far away from her as I could without moving my seat, twisting my head out into the aisle. I braced myself, locking my muscles in place, and then sucked in one quick chestful of air, breathing through my mouth alone. Ahh! It was intensely painful, like swallowing burning coals. Even without smelling her, I could taste her on my tongue. The craving was every bit as strong as that first moment I’d caught her scent last week. I gritted my teeth and tried to compose myself. “Get started,” Mr. Banner commanded. It took every single ounce of self-control I’d achieved in seventy-four years of hard work to turn back to the girl, who was staring down at the table, and smile.**

Jasper cheered in his head, happy that I had not killed the girl. Everyone ells were just relieved

**“Ladies first, partner?” I offered. She looked up at my expression and her face went blank. Was there something off? In her eyes, I saw the reflection of my usual human-friendly composition of features. The facade looked perfect. Was she frightened again? She didn’t speak. “Or, I could start, if you wish,” I said quietly. “No,” she said, and her face went from white to red again.**

“Ooh she was staring, couldn’t resist a pretty face,” Emmett teased. I just ignored him

**“I’ll go ahead.” I stared at the equipment on the table—the battered microscope, the box of slides—rather than watch the blood wax and wane under her clear skin. I took another quick breath, through my teeth, and winced as the taste scorched the inside of my throat. “Prophase,” she said after a quick examination. She started to remove the slide, though she’d barely examined it. “Do you mind if I look?” Instinctively—stupidly, as if I were one of her kind—I reached out to stop her hand from removing the slide. For one second, the heat of her skin burned into mine. It was like an electric pulse**

Carlisle, Esme and Alice smiled, like that proved their theory true

**—the heat shot through my fingers and up my arm. She yanked her hand out from under mine. “I’m sorry,” I muttered. Needing somewhere to look, I grasped the microscope and stared briefly into the eyepiece. She was right. “Prophase,” I agreed. I was still too unsettled to look at her. Breathing as quietly as I could through my gritted teeth and trying to ignore the fiery thirst, I concentrated on the simple assignment, writing the word on the appropriate line on the lab sheet and then switching out the first slide for the next. What was she thinking now? What had it felt like to her when I had touched her hand?**

“Most probably the same, but we will find out soon,” Jasper said eyeing the other books on the table

**My skin must have been ice-cold—repulsive. No wonder she was so quiet. I glanced at the slide. “Anaphase,” I said to myself as I wrote it on the second line. “May I?” she asked.**

That got a few laughed out of everyone

**I looked up, surprised to see that she was waiting expectantly, one hand half-stretched toward the microscope. She didn’t _look_ afraid. Did she really think I’d gotten the answer wrong? I couldn’t help but smile at the hopeful expression on her face as I slid the microscope toward her. She stared into the eyepiece with an eagerness that quickly faded. The corners of her mouth turned down. **

“Oh she hoped that you had been wrong,” Alice smiled

“cheeky,” Emmett approved nodding his head

**“Slide three?” she asked, not looking up from the microscope, but holding out her hand. I dropped the next slide into her palm, keeping my skin far from hers this time. Sitting beside her was like sitting next to a heat lamp. I could feel myself warming slightly to the higher temperature. She did not look at the slide for long. “Interphase,” she said nonchalantly—perhaps trying a little too hard to sound that way—and pushed the microscope toward me. She did not touch the paper, but waited for me to write the answer.**

“Well your writing would be much better than any humans, so it would make sense,” Carlisle nodded thinking about it

**I checked—she was correct again. We finished this way, speaking one word at a time and never meeting each other’s eyes. We were the only ones done—the others in the class were having a harder time with the lab.**

“Smart girl,” Esme said proudly. We all nodded agreeing with her

**Mike Newton seemed to be having trouble concentrating; he was trying to watch Bella and me. _Wish he’d stayed wherever he went_ , Mike thought, eyeing me sulfurous. Interesting. I hadn’t realized the boy harbored any specific ill will toward me. This was a new development, about as recent as the girl’s arrival, it seemed. **

“And not so smart for you,” All the girls in the room shook their heads. The men just looked at me with pity

**Even more interestingly, I found—to my surprise—that the feeling was mutual. I looked down at the girl again, bemused by the vast range of havoc and upheaval that, despite her ordinary, unthreatening appearance, she was wreaking on my life. It wasn’t that I couldn’t see what Mike was going on about. She was actually sort of pretty for a human, in an unusual way.**

“Oh this should be good,” Emmett smiled.

"Edward do me a favour and never tell Bella she is pretty in an unusual way, please," Rosalie said shaking her head at me 

**Better than being beautiful, her face was… unexpected. Not quite symmetrical—her narrow chin out of balance with her wide cheekbones; extreme in the coloring—the contrast of her light skin and dark hair; and then there were the eyes, too big for her face, brimming over with silent secrets.…Eyes that were suddenly boring into mine. I stared back at her, trying to guess even one of those secrets. “Did you get contacts?” she asked abruptly.**

That confused everyone

**What a strange question. “No.” I almost smiled at the idea of improving _my_ eyesight. “Oh,” she mumbled. “I thought there was something different about your eyes.” **

That shocked everyone, no-one thought she had noticed the change of my eyes, no-one ells ever noticed the changes. 

**I felt suddenly colder again as I realized that I was not the only one attempting to ferret out secrets today.**

“Both of you two are equally curious,” Esme said happily.

“If she noticed that, what ells would she notice?” Rosalie and Carlisle said at the same time but with different emotions. Rosalie was worried for our secret, while Carlisle curious to see how much Bella would see. 

**I shrugged, my shoulders stiff, and glared straight ahead to where the teacher was making his rounds. Of course there was something different about my eyes since the last time she’d stared into them. To prepare myself for today’s ordeal, today’s temptation, I’d spent the entire weekend hunting, satiating my thirst as much as possible, overdoing it, really. I’d glutted myself on the blood of animals, not that it made much difference in the face of the outrageous flavor floating on the air around her. When I’d glared at her last, my eyes had been black with thirst. Now, my body swimming with blood, my eyes were a warm gold—light amber. Another slip. If I’d seen what she meant with her question, I could have just told her yes.**

“Welcome to being like all of us, well maybe not Alice. But you now know how the rest of us feel,” Emmett said

**I’d sat beside humans for two years now at this school, and she was the first to examine me closely enough to note the change in my eye color. The others, while admiring the beauty of my family, tended to look down quickly when we returned their stares. They shied away, blocking the details of our appearances in an instinctive endeavor to keep themselves from understanding. Ignorance was bliss to the human mind.**

“I wonder if this is because of the mate bond or because she was more curious then frightened,” Carlisle said tilting his head slightly to the side 

**Why did it have to be _this_ girl who would see too much? Mr. Banner approached our table. I gratefully inhaled the gush of clean air he brought with him before it could mix with her scent. “So, Edward,” he said, looking over our answers, “didn’t you think Isabella should get a chance with the microscope?” “Bella,” I corrected him reflexively. **

Another set of laughter came out of us

**“Actually, she identified three of the five.” Mr. Banner’s thoughts were skeptical as he turned to look at the girl. “Have you done this lab before?” I watched, engrossed, as she smiled, looking slightly embarrassed. “Not with onion root.” “Whitefish blastula?” Mr. Banner probed. “Yeah.” This surprised him. Today’s lab was something he’d pulled from a senior class course.**

**He nodded thoughtfully at the girl. “Were you in an advanced placement program in Phoenix?” “Yes.” She was advanced, then, intelligent for a human.**

“Cool,” Jasper said impressed. Everyone less nodded also impressed

**This did not surprise me. “Well,” Mr. Banner said, pursing his lips, “I guess it’s good you two are lab partners.” He turned and walked away, mumbling “So the other kids can get a chance to learn something for themselves” under his breath. I doubted the girl could hear that. She began scrawling loops across her folder again. Two slips so far in one half hour. An extremely poor showing on my part. Though I had no idea at all what the girl thought of me—how much did she fear, how much did she suspect?**

"Well at this rate you are going to tell her everything without noticing," Emmett joked. I glared at him and threw a cushion at him

“Emmett!” Carlisle and Esme scolded him

"What? that's what it sounds like will happen, form his thoughts. Plus we can change all this if it turned out bad," Emmett said defending himself

**—I knew I needed to put forth a better effort to leave her with a new impression. Something to quell her memories of our ferocious last encounter. “It’s too bad about the snow, isn’t it?”**

“No don’t talk about the weather!” Everyone yelled at me

**I said, repeating the small talk that I’d heard a dozen students discuss already. A boring, standard topic of conversation. The weather—always safe. She stared at me with obvious doubt in her eyes—an abnormal reaction to my very normal words. “Not really.” I tried to steer the conversation back to trite paths. She was from a much brighter, warmer place—her skin seemed to reflect that somehow, despite its fairness—and the cold must make her uncomfortable. My icy touch certainly had.**

"Sure it was the cold, not the electricity," Alice rolled her eyes at me

**“You don’t like the cold,” I guessed. “Or the wet,” she agreed. “Forks must be a difficult place for you to live.” _Perhaps you should not have come here_ , I wanted to add. _Perhaps you should go back where you belong._ I wasn’t sure I wanted that, though. I would always remember the scent of her blood—was there any guarantee that I wouldn’t eventually follow her? Besides, if she left, her mind would forever remain a mystery, a constant, nagging puzzle. **

Everyone smiled at me knowingly

**“You have no idea,” she said in a low voice, glowering past me for a moment. Her answers were never what I expected. They made me want to ask more questions. “Why did you come here, then?” I demanded, realizing instantly that my tone was too accusatory, not casual enough for the conversation. The question sounded rude, prying.**

“Edward!” Esme said

“Sorry,” I apologized

**“It’s… complicated.” She blinked, leaving it at that, and I nearly imploded out of curiosity—in that second, it burned almost as hot as the thirst in my throat. Actually, I found that it was getting slightly easier to breathe; the agony was becoming a tiny bit more bearable through familiarity.**

“Interesting,” Jasper and Carlisle said at the same time **.**

**“I think I can keep up,” I insisted. Perhaps common courtesy would compel her to answer my questions as long as I was impolite enough to ask them. She stared down silently at her hands. This made me impatient. I wanted to put my hand under her chin and tilt her head up so that I could read her eyes. But of course I could never touch her skin again. She looked up suddenly. It was a relief to be able to see the emotions in her eyes. She spoke in a rush, hurrying through the words. “My mother got remarried.”**

“Makes sense,” everyone nodded understanding

**Ah, this was human enough, easy to understand. Sorrow flitted across her face, bringing the small pucker back between her brows. “That doesn’t sound so complex,” I said, my voice gentle without my working to make it that way. Her dejection left me oddly helpless, wishing there was something I could do to make her feel better. A strange impulse. “When did that happen?” “Last September.” She exhaled heavily—not quite a sigh. I froze for a moment as her warm breath brushed my face. “And you don’t like him,” I guessed after that short pause, still fishing for more information. “No, Phil is fine,” she said, correcting my assumption. There was a hint of a smile now around the corners of her full lips. “Too young, maybe, but nice enough.”**

“Then why did she come to one place she hated,” Rosalie asked

"Perhaps her mother sent her here to spend some time with Charlie before she graduates," Esme said smiling 

**This didn’t fit with the scenario I’d been constructing in my head. “Why didn’t you stay with them?” My voice was too eager; it sounded like I was being nosy.**

“That is because you are being nosy,” Alice and Rosalie said at the same time

**Which I was, admittedly. “Phil travels a lot. He plays ball for a living.” The little smile grew more pronounced; this career choice amused her. I smiled, too, without choosing the expression. I wasn’t trying to make her feel at ease. Her smile just made me want to smile in response—to be in on the secret.**

“Aww,” Everyone said at the same time

**“Have I heard of him?” I ran through the rosters of professional ballplayers in my head, wondering which Phil was hers. “Probably not. He doesn’t play _well_.” Another smile. “Strictly minor league. He moves around a lot.” The rosters in my head shifted instantly, and I’d tabulated a list of possibilities in less than a second. At the same time, I was imagining the new scenario. “And your mother sent you here so that she could travel with him,” I said. **

“Likely,” Esme said not liking that version of the situation

**Making assumptions seemed to get more information out of her than questions did. It worked again. Her chin jutted out, and her expression was suddenly stubborn. “No, she did not send me here,” she said, and her voice had a new, hard edge to it. My assumption had upset her, though I couldn’t quite see how. “I sent myself.”**

That shocked all of us, we didn’t expect her to be the one to send herself to this town she clearly hated

**I could not guess at her meaning, or the source behind her pique. I was entirely lost. There was just no making sense of the girl. She wasn’t like other humans. Maybe the silence of her thoughts and the perfume of her scent were not the only unusual things about her.**

Carlisle and I nodded agreeing with the book while everyone ells just wondered what that would mean for the family

**“I don’t understand,” I admitted, hating to concede. She sighed and stared into my eyes for longer than most normal humans were able to stand. “She stayed with me at first, but she missed him,” Bella explained slowly, her tone growing more forlorn with each word. “It made her unhappy… so I decided it was time to spend some quality time with Charlie.”**

“She’s mature for her age,” Esme said not sure if she should be happy about that or not. I nodded along with Esme unsure about everything I was feeling

**The tiny pucker between her eyes deepened. “But now you’re unhappy,” I murmured. I kept speaking my hypotheses aloud, hoping to learn from her refutations. This one, however, did not seem as far off the mark. “And?” she said, as if this was not even an aspect to be considered. I continued to stare into her eyes, feeling that I’d finally gotten my first real glimpse into her soul. I saw in that one word where she ranked herself among her own priorities. Unlike most humans, her own needs were far down the list. She was selfless. As I saw this, the mystery of the person hiding inside this quiet mind began to clear a little.**

“Poor girl,” Rosalie and Alice said at the same time. They both were wondering what would have made Bella the ways she was

**“That doesn’t seem fair,” I said. I shrugged, trying to seem casual. She laughed, but there was no amusement in the sound. “Hasn’t anyone ever told you? Life isn’t fair.”**

We all nodded agreeing with her

**I wanted to laugh at her words, though I, too, felt no real amusement. I knew a little something about the unfairness of life. “I believe I _have_ heard that somewhere before.” She stared back at me, seeming confused again. Her eyes flickered away, and then came back to mine. “So that’s all,” she told me. I was not ready to let this conversation end. The little _v_ between her eyes, a remnant of her sorrow, bothered me. “You put on a good show.” I spoke slowly, still considering this next hypothesis. “But I’d be willing to bet that you’re suffering more than you let anyone see.” She made a face, her eyes narrowing and her mouth twisting into a lopsided frown, and she looked back toward the front of the class. **

“Oh she didn’t like that,” Alice giggled, I let out a small chuckle agreeing with her

**She didn’t like it when I guessed right. She wasn’t the average martyr—she didn’t want an audience for her pain. “Am I wrong?” She flinched slightly, but otherwise pretended not to hear me. That made me smile. “I didn’t think so.” “Why does it matter to you?” she demanded, still staring away. “That’s a very good question,” I admitted, more to myself than to her.**

"It's oblivious she's your mate. Of course, you're going to want to know more about her," Carlisle said looking at me, I just looked away not ready to accept his theory 

**Her discernment was better than mine—she saw right to the core of things while I floundered around the edges, sifting blindly through clues. The details of her very human life should _not_ matter to me. It was wrong for me to care what she thought. Beyond protecting my family from suspicion, human thoughts were not significant. I was not used to being the less intuitive of any pairing. I relied on my extra hearing too much—I clearly was not as perceptive as I gave myself credit for. **

“No you just finally met your match,” Emmett smiled

**The girl sighed and glowered toward the front of the classroom. Something about her frustrated expression was humorous. The whole situation, the whole conversation, was humorous. No one had ever been in more danger from me than this small human girl—at any moment I might, distracted by my ridiculous absorption in the conversation, inhale through my nose and attack her before I could stop myself—and _she_ was irritated because I hadn’t answered her question. **

“Reminds me of a small kitten,” Jasper smiled

**“Am I annoying you?” I asked, smiling at the absurdity of it all. She glanced at me quickly, and then her eyes seemed to get trapped by my gaze. “Not exactly,” she told me. “I’m more annoyed at myself. My face is so easy to read—my mother always calls me her open book.” She frowned, disgruntled. I stared at her in amazement. She was upset because she thought I saw through her _too easily_. **

“Well so far you were able to see through her quite easily,” Alice pointed out

**How bizarre. I’d never expended so much effort to understand someone in all my life—or rather existence, as _life_ was hardly the right word. I did not truly have a _life_. “On the contrary,” I disagreed, feeling strangely… wary, as if there were some hidden danger here that I was failing to see. Beyond the very obvious danger, something more… I was suddenly on edge, the premonition making me anxious. “I find you very difficult to read.” “You must be a good reader, then,” she guessed, making her own assumption, which was, again, right on target. **

“Interesting,” Carlisle wrote something ells down

**“Usually,” I agreed. I smiled at her widely then, letting my lips pull back to expose the rows of gleaming, steel-strong teeth behind them. It was a stupid thing to do, but I was abruptly, unexpectedly desperate to get some kind of warning through to the girl.**

“Edward,” Esme glared at me.

“Sorry,” I smiled at her sweetly

**Her body was closer to me than before, having shifted unconsciously in the course of our conversation. All the little markers and signs that were sufficient to scare off the rest of humanity did not seem to be working on her. Why did she not cringe away from me in terror? Surely she had seen enough of my darker side to realize the danger.**

The shocked everyone as well

**I didn’t get to see if my warning had the intended effect. Mr. Banner called for the class’s attention just then, and she turned away from me at once. She seemed a little relieved for the interruption, so maybe she understood unconsciously. I hoped she did. I recognized the fascination growing inside me, even as I tried to root it out. I could not afford to find Bella Swan interesting. Or rather, _she_ could not afford that. **

“Why do I get the feeling it is too late for that,” Rosalie said looking at me then to the book in Esme’s hand

**Already, I was anxious for another chance to talk to her. I wanted to know more about her mother, her life before she came here, her relationship with her father. All the meaningless details that would flesh out her character further. But every second I spent with her was a mistake, a risk she shouldn’t have to take. Absentmindedly, she tossed her thick hair just at the moment that I allowed myself another breath.**

“You have the worst luck in the whole world,” Jasper shook his head, while everyone tensed

**A particularly concentrated wave of her scent hit the back of my throat. It was like the first day—like the grenade. The pain of the burning dryness made me dizzy. I had to grasp the table again to keep myself in my seat. This time I had slightly more control. I didn’t break anything, at least. The monster growled inside me but took no pleasure in my pain. He was too tightly bound. For the moment. I stopped breathing altogether and leaned as far from the girl as I could. No, I could not afford to find her fascinating.**

“Again too late for that,” Alice smiled 

**The more interesting I found her, the more likely it was that I would kill her. I’d already made two minor slips today. Would I make a third, one that was _not_ minor? As soon as the bell sounded, I fled from the classroom—probably destroying whatever impression of politeness I’d halfway constructed in the course of the hour. Again, I gasped at the clean, wet air outside as though it was a healing attar. I hurried to put as much distance as possible between myself and the girl. Emmett waited for me outside the door of our Spanish class. He read my wild expression for a moment. **

“See no reason to worry you were fine,” Emmett smirked, I just glared at him

**_How did it go?_ ** **he wondered warily. “Nobody died,” I mumbled. _I guess that’s something. When I saw Alice ditching there at the end, I_ _thought…_ As we walked into the classroom, I saw his memory from just a few moments earlier, seen through the open door of his last class: Alice walking briskly and blank-faced across the grounds toward the science building. I felt his remembered urge to get up and join her, and then his decision to stay. If Alice needed his help, she would ask. **

Alice nodded, happy that her brother trustiest her to be able to handle anything, while Jasper was not happy that Emmett had Alice go alone,

**I closed my eyes in horror and disgust as I slumped into my seat. “I hadn’t realized it was that close. I didn’t think I was going to… I didn’t see that it was that bad,” I whispered. _It wasn’t_ , he reassured me. _Nobody died, right?_ “Right,” I said through my teeth. “Not this time.” _Maybe it will get easier._**

****

“Well for a time there it did seem to get easier for you,” Jasper said looking at me like he was trying to figure out why I had so much self-control

****

**“Sure.” _Or maybe you kill her._ He shrugged. _You wouldn’t be the first one to mess up. No one would judge you too harshly. Sometimes a person just smells too good. I’m impressed you’ve lasted this long._ “Not helping, Emmett.” I was revolted by his acceptance of the idea that I would kill the girl, that this was somehow inevitable. Was it her fault that she smelled so good? _I know when it happened to me…,_ he reminisced, taking me back with him half a century, to a country lane at dusk, where a middle-aged woman was pulling her dried sheets down from a line strung between apple trees. I’d seen this before, the strongest of his two encounters, but the memory seemed particularly vivid now—perhaps because my throat still ached from the last hour’s scorching. **

“Sorry,” Emmett said after Rosalie hit him over his head

**Emmett remembered the smell of apples hanging heavy in the air—the harvest was over and the rejected fruits were scattered on the ground, the bruises in their skin leaking their fragrance out in thick clouds. A freshly mowed field of hay was a background to that scent, a harmony. He walked up the lane, all but oblivious to the woman, on an errand for Rosalie. The sky was purple overhead, orange over the mountains to the west. He would have continued up the meandering cart path and there would have been no reason to remember the evening, except that a sudden night breeze blew the white sheets out like sails and fanned the woman’s scent across Emmett’s face. “Ah,” I groaned quietly. As if my own remembered thirst was not enough. _I know. I didn’t last half a second. I didn’t even think about resisting._ His memory became far too explicit for me to stand. I jumped to my feet, my teeth locked hard. **

“Emmett, not helping,” Everyone glared at him, he just smiled before cuddling into Rosalie, who looked annoyed at him for the moment 

**“ _Estás bien_ , Edward?” Mrs. Goff asked, startled by my sudden movement. I could see my face in her mind, and I knew that I looked far from well. “ _Perdóname_ ,” I muttered as I darted for the door. “Emmett, _por favor, puedes ayudar a tu hermano?_ ” she asked, gesturing helplessly toward me as I rushed out of the room. “Sure,” I heard him say. And then he was right behind me. He followed me to the far side of the building, where he caught up to me and put his hand on my shoulder. I shoved his hand away with unnecessary force. It would have shattered the bones in a human hand, and the bones in the arm attached to it. **

“That was not necessary,” Esme said at me but her voice had no harshness in it. While Emmett just pouted at me 

**“Sorry, Edward.” “I know.” I drew in deep gasps of air, trying to clear my head and lungs. “Is it as bad as that?” he asked, trying not to think of the scent and the flavor of his memory as he asked, and not quite succeeding. “Worse, Emmett, worse.” He was quiet for a moment. _Maybe…_ “No, it would not be better if I got it over with. Go back to class, Emmett. I want to be alone.” **

“Like normal,” everyone nodded at me.

**He turned without another word or thought and walked quickly away. He would tell the Spanish teacher that I was sick, or ditching, or a dangerously out of control vampire. Did his excuse really matter? Maybe I wasn’t coming back. Maybe I had to leave. I returned to my car to wait for school to end. To hide. Again. I should have spent the time making decisions or trying to bolster my resolve,**

“I’m going to take a wild guess, and say he is going to be looking for Bella in everyone’s thoughts,” Rosalie rolled her eyes at me

**but, like an addict, I found myself searching through the babble of thoughts emanating from the school buildings. The familiar voices stood out, but I wasn’t interested in listening to Alice’s visions or Rosalie’s complaints right now. I found Jessica easily, but the girl was not with her, so I continued searching. Mike Newton’s thoughts caught my attention,**

I roiled my eyes and suppressed a growl. I was starting to like Mike less and less

**and I located her at last, in Gym with him. He was unhappy because I’d spoken to her today in Biology. He was running over her response when he’d brought the subject up. _I’ve never seen him actually say more than a word here or there to anyone. Of course he would decide to talk to Bella. I don’t like the way he looks at her. But she didn’t seem too excited about him. What did she say to me earlier? “Wonder what was with him last Monday.” Something like that. Didn’t sound like she cared. It couldn’t have been much of a conversation.…_ He cheered himself with the idea that Bella had not been interested in her exchange with me. **

"Or Mike was humouring himself," Alice said leaning forward

**This annoyed me quite a bit, so I stopped listening to him. I put in a CD of violent music, and then turned it up until it drowned out other voices. I had to concentrate on the music very hard to keep myself from drifting back to Mike Newton’s thoughts to spy on the unsuspecting girl.**

“That is not going to last,” Everyone said at the same time

**I cheated a few times as the hour drew to a close. Not spying, I tried to convince myself. I was just preparing. I wanted to know exactly when she would leave the gym, when she would be in the parking lot. I didn’t want her to take me by surprise. As the students started to file out the gym doors, I got out of my car, not sure why I did it.**

“So that she would see you,” All the girls said at the same time

**The rain was light—I ignored it as it slowly saturated my hair. Did I want her to see me here? Did I hope she would come to speak to me? What was I doing? I didn’t move, though I tried to convince myself to get back in the car, knowing my behavior was reprehensible. I kept my arms folded across my chest and breathed very shallowly as I watched her walk slowly toward me, her mouth turning down at the corners. She didn’t look at me. A few times she glanced up at the clouds with a scowl, as if they had offended her.**

That got a few chuckles out everyone

**I was disappointed when she reached her car before she had to pass me. Would she have spoken to me? Would I have spoken to her? She got into a faded red Chevy truck, a rusted behemoth that was older than her father. I watched her start the truck—the old engine roared louder than any other vehicle in the lot—and then hold her hands out toward the heating vents. The cold was uncomfortable to her—she didn’t like it.**

“Poor girl,” everyone said at the same time, but for different reasons

**She combed her fingers through her thick hair, pulling locks through the stream of hot air as though she was trying to dry them. I imagined what the cab of that truck would smell like, and then quickly drove out the thought. She glanced around as she prepared to back out, and finally looked in my direction. She stared back at me for only half a second, and all I could read in her eyes was surprise before she tore them away and jerked the truck into reverse.**

“Well you were staring so it would be expected that she would be surprised,” Alice giggled at me

**And then squealed to a stop again, the back end of the truck missing a collision with Nicole Casey’s compact by mere inches. She stared into her rearview mirror, her mouth hanging open, horrified at her near miss.**

"Would she have been fine if she hit him?" Esme asked worriedly

“That Truck is like a tank,” Rosalie answered smiling at our mother, who let out a breath of relieve

**When the other car had pulled past her, she checked all her blind spots twice and then inched out of the parking space so cautiously that it made me grin. It was as though she thought she was _dangerous_ in her decrepit truck. The thought of Bella Swan being dangerous to anyone, no matter what she was driving, had me laughing while the girl drove past me, staring** **straight ahead.**

Everyone but Esme was laughing along with the book. Esme was happy that Bella was so careful and caring.

“Perhaps we should read this book and Twilight together as seeing their same story?’ Carlisle said picking up the Twilight book

“But that one is small,” Emmett said looking between the two books

“We can see which chapters had to do with each other and we will read according to that,” Esme said picking up the Twilight book 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own any of the books or the characters they are all the property of Stephanie Meyer  
> Reviews are greatly appreciated  
> I’m going to start posting things on Instagram that have to do with these fanfictions. Mostly they are just going to be small updates as I write everything. And when I’m going to update so you’re more than welcome to come and say hi.  
> Come say hi on tiktok: Voshaarnooi01  
> Come say hi on Instagram: Voshaarnooi2000  
> Okay so next week I start my new job and at a new university, so my updates won’t be weekly any more. The moment I finish writing and editing the chapter I will post it. And please remember the only reason I won’t finish my stories is because I died, updates may take long but they will come


	4. Twi- PREFACE

“I’ll read this chapter,” Esme smiled opening the thinner book

**PREFACE**

**I'd never given much thought to how I would die — though I'd had reason enough in the last few months — but even if I had, I would not have imagined it like this. I stared without breathing across the long room, into the dark eyes of the hunter,**

Everyone sucked in a breath, not liking how that sounded and from what we have read so far in the books it didn’t make me feel any more confident

**and he looked pleasantly back at me. Surely it was a good way to die, in the place of someone else, someone I loved. Noble, even. That ought to count for something. I knew that if I'd never gone to Forks, I wouldn't be facing death now.**

"No, it's not you. This must be someone ells," Esme nodded sure of herself, she and everyone ells didn't want to believe that I would kill the girl

**But, terrified as I was, I couldn't bring myself to regret the decision. When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it's not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end. The hunter smiled in a friendly way as he sauntered forward to kill me.**

“See that is not you. You don’t play with the humans before killing them,” Carlisle said sure as well. Everyone nodded. But that didn’t make us feel any better because that meant more Vampires would be coming to forks, and that would not end well. Carlisle took the brook form Esme and flipped to the next page

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I went through the two books and I’m going to be doing the chapters that have to do with each other. I will do Midnight sun’s chapter then Twilights comparison chapter. And seeing as Midnight sun has more chapters, I will be handling them like fuller chapters   
> I don't own any of the books or the characters they are all the property of Stephanie Meyer  
> Reviews are greatly appreciated   
> I’m going to start posting things on Instagram that have to do with these fanfictions. Mostly they are just going to be small updates as I write everything. And when I’m going to update so you’re more than welcome to come and say hi.   
> Come say hi on tiktok: Voshaarnooi01   
> Come say hi on Instagram: Voshaarnooi2000


	5. Twi-1. FIRST SIGHT

  1. **FIRST SIGHT**



**My mother drove me to the airport with the windows rolled down. It was seventy-five degrees in Phoenix, the sky a perfect, cloudless blue. I was wearing my favorite shirt — sleeveless, white eyelet lace;**

Alice nodded approving of Bella’s choice of clothing

**I was wearing it as a farewell gesture. My carry-on item was a parka.**

Alice scrunched up her face not approving of that

**In the Olympic Peninsula of northwest Washington State, a small town named Forks exists under a near-constant cover of clouds. It rains on this inconsequential town more than any other place in the United States of America.**

“And that is why is the perfect town for us all,” Carlisle smiled, form all the houses we have all over the world Forks was one of the few places we saw a home

**It was from this town and its gloomy, omnipresent shade that my mother escaped with me when I was only a few months old. It was in this town that I'd been compelled to spend a month every summer until I was fourteen. That was the year I finally put my foot down; these past three summers, my dad, Charlie, vacationed with me in California for two weeks instead.**

“She really doesn’t like this town,” Esme shook her head, but she was happy that Bella had gotten the chance to spend some time with her father before moving to this town

**It was to Forks that I now exiled myself— an action that I took with great horror. I detested Forks. I loved Phoenix. I loved the sun and the blistering heat. I loved the vigorous, sprawling city.**

“that must have been a horrible adjustment for her, such a drastic change," Carlisle said tilting his head wondering what could have made Bella so mature to place her mother before herself

**"Bella," my mom said to me — the last of a thousand times — before I got on the plane. "You don't have to do this." My mom looks like me, except with short hair and laugh lines. I felt a spasm of panic as I stared at her wide, childlike eyes. How could I leave my loving, erratic, harebrained mother to fend for herself? Of course she had Phil now, so the bills would probably get paid, there would be food in the refrigerator, gas in her car, and someone to call when she got lost,**

“That’s not wright, Bella was a teen but she thought and acted more like a mother then her actual mother,” Esme shook her head, not liking the idea that a daughter had to take care of her mother form such a young age.

"That could explain her selflessness, she was more the mother in the relationship then the daughter so of course, she would want her mom to be happy," Jasper said impressed with Bella.

**but still… "I _want_ to go," I lied. I'd always been a bad liar, but I'd been saying this lie so frequently lately that it sounded almost convincing now. "Tell Charlie I said hi." "I will." "I'll see you soon," she insisted. "You can come home whenever you want — I'll come right back as soon as you need me." But I could see the sacrifice in her eyes behind the promise. "Don't worry about me," I urged. "It'll be great. I love you, Mom." She hugged me tightly for a minute, and then I got on the plane, and she was gone. **

Esme looked at the book sadly, she could imagine how Bella felt in that moment

**It's a four-hour flight from Phoenix to Seattle, another hour in a small plane up to Port Angeles, and then an hour drive back down to Forks. Flying doesn't bother me; the hour in the car with Charlie, though, I was a little worried about. Charlie had really been fairly nice about the whole thing. He seemed genuinely pleased that I was coming to live with him for the first time with any degree of permanence.**

Esme smiled happily that Bella would be staying with Charlie for a time

**He'd already gotten me registered for high school and was going to help me get a car. But it was sure to be awkward with Charlie. Neither of us was what anyone would call verbose, and I didn't know what there was to say regardless. I knew he was more than a little confused by my decision — like my mother before me, I hadn't made a secret of my distaste for Forks.**

“Is it so hard to see that she wanted her mother to be happier then she would be? It is very sweet of her,” Alice said smiling, she was starting to like Bella more and more

**When I landed in Port Angeles, it was raining. I didn't see it as an omen — just unavoidable. I'd already said my goodbyes to the sun. Charlie was waiting for me with the cruiser. This I was expecting, too. Charlie is Police Chief Swan to the good people of Forks. My primary motivation behind buying a car, despite the scarcity of my funds, was that I refused to be driven around town in a car with red and blue lights on top. Nothing slows down traffic like a cop.**

Everyone nodded at that

**Charlie gave me an awkward, one-armed hug when I stumbled my way off the plane. "It's good to see you, Bells," he said, smiling as he automatically caught and steadied me. "You haven't changed much. How's Renée?" "Mom's fine. It's good to see you, too, Dad." I wasn't allowed to call him Charlie to his face.**

Esme shuttered not likening the idea that Bella didn’t think of Charlie as her dad

**I had only a few bags. Most of my Arizona clothes were too permeable for Washington.**

Alice was already planning a few shopping trips for Bella at that

**My mom and I had pooled our resources to supplement my winter wardrobe, but it was still scanty. It all fit easily into the trunk of the cruiser. "I found a good car for you, really cheap," he announced when we were strapped in. "What kind of car?" I was suspicious of the way he said "good car _for you"_ as opposed to just "good car." "Well, it's a truck actually, a Chevy." "Where did you find it?" "Do you remember Billy Black down at La Push?" La Push is the tiny Indian reservation on the coast. **

Everyone let out a growl, not liking the Wolf territory.

“Of course she was going to be the daughter of one of the wolf’s friends,” I growled not liking the idea of Bella being close to the dogs. Everyone looked at me with a smile, well everyone but Rosalie as she was still not on the idea of my mate being human...

**"No." "He used to go fishing with us during the summer," Charlie prompted. That would explain why I didn't remember him. I do a good job of blocking painful, unnecessary things from my memory.**

“Good power to have,” Carlisle nodded. Everyone ells felt sorry for Bella they could imagine how horrible those trips must have been

**"He's in a wheelchair now," Charlie continued when I didn't respond, "so he can't drive anymore, and he offered to sell me his truck cheap." "What year is it?" I could see from his change of expression that this was the question he was hoping I wouldn't ask. "Well, Billy's done a lot of work on the engine — it's only a few years old, really." I hoped he didn't think so little of me as to believe I would give up that easily. "When did he buy it?" "He bought it in 1984, I think." "Did he buy it new?" "Well, no. I think it was new in the early sixties — or late fifties at the earliest," he admitted sheepishly.**

"How is that truck still running?" Rosalie asked impressed that the truck was still roadworthy.

“No idea,” I shook my head. 

**"Ch — Dad, I don't really know anything about cars. I wouldn't be able to fix it if anything went wrong, and I couldn't afford a mechanic…" "Really, Bella, the thing runs great. They don't build them like that anymore." _The thing_ , I thought to myself… it had possibilities — as a nickname, at the very least. **

All the boy nodded at that.

**"How cheap is cheap?" After all, that was the part I couldn't compromise on. "Well, honey, I kind of already bought it for you. As a homecoming gift."**

“Thar’s sweet of him,” Esme smiled already liking Charlie a lot more than she did Renee

**Charlie peeked sideways at me with a hopeful expression. Wow. Free. "You didn't need to do that, Dad. I was going to buy myself a car." "I don't mind. I want you to be happy here." He was looking ahead at the road when he said this. Charlie wasn't comfortable with expressing his emotions out loud. I inherited that from him.**

“That is good to know, I wonder if his mind would be like his daughter?’ I wondered out loud

"There could be a chance for that," Carlisle said wondering if Bella would have inherited her ability of if she developed it on her own

**So I was looking straight ahead as I responded. "That's really nice, Dad. Thanks. I really appreciate it." No need to add that my being happy in Forks is an impossibility. He didn't need to suffer along with me. And I never looked a free truck in the mouth — or engine. "Well, now, you're welcome," he mumbled, embarrassed by my thanks. We exchanged a few more comments on the weather, which was wet, and that was pretty much it for Conversation.**

“Well good to know they are so awkward on their own, see Eddie you have nothing to worry about, they also talked about the weather,” Emmett teased 

**We stared out the windows in silence. It was beautiful, of course; I couldn't deny that. Everything was green: the trees, their trunks covered with moss, their branches hanging with a canopy of it, the ground covered with ferns. Even the air filtered down greenly through the leaves. It was too green — an alien planet.**

“well seeing as she came from a mostly desert area it is normal to think forks would be alien,” Jasper nodded thinking about the first time he came to forks with his new family

**Eventually we made it to Charlie's. He still lived in the small, two-bedroom house that he'd bought with my mother in the early days of their marriage. Those were the only kind of days their marriage had — the early ones.**

“That can’t be healthy,” Rosalie said shaking her head.

“Would it be possible that Charlie never really moved on from Renee?” Esme asked worried for the man

“Possible,” Carlisle said feeling bad for Charlie.

**There, parked on the street in front of the house that never changed, was my new — well, new to me — truck. It was a faded red color, with big, rounded fenders and a bulbous cab. To my intense surprise, I loved it. I didn't know if it would run, but I could see myself in it. Plus, it was one of those solid iron affairs that never gets damaged — the kind you see at the scene of an accident, paint unscratched, surrounded by the pieces of the foreign car it had destroyed.**

“Let's hope that, that never happens,” I said shaking my head not liking the idea of Bella in danger.

**"Wow, Dad, I love it! Thanks!" Now my horrific day tomorrow would be just that much less dreadful. I wouldn't be faced with the choice of either walking two miles in the rain to school or accepting a ride in the Chief's cruiser.**

“both sound like horrible situations,” Rosalie shook her head.

“What would you have done in the same situation?” Carlisle asked us.

“Walked,” we all said at the same time

**"I'm glad you like it," Charlie said gruffly, embarrassed again. It took only one trip to get all my stuff upstairs.**

“No that most certainly will not be allowed. We need to take that girl shopping,” Alice smiled at Esme who had almost rearranged my room to include room for Bella

**I got the west bedroom that faced out over the front yard. The room was familiar; it had been belonged to me since I was born. The wooden floor, the light blue walls, the peaked ceiling, the yellowed lace curtains around the window — these were all a part of my childhood. The only changes Charlie had ever made were switching the crib for a bed and adding a desk as I grew.**

“Well he most certainly did not want to accept that his daughter was growing up,” Esme smiled sadly. 

**The desk now held a secondhand computer, with the phone line for the modem stapled along the floor to the nearest phone jack. This was a stipulation from my mother, so that we could stay in touch easily. The rocking chair from my baby days was still in the corner. There was only one small bathroom at the top of the stairs, which I would have to share with Charlie.**

All the girls in the room shuttered at the thought

**I was trying not to dwell too much on that fact. One of the best things about Charlie is he doesn't hover. He left me alone to unpack and get settled, a feat that would have been altogether impossible for my mother. It was nice to be alone, not to have to smile and look pleased; a relief to stare dejectedly out the window at the sheeting rain and let just a few tears escape. I wasn't in the mood to go on a real crying jag. I would save that for bedtime, when I would have to think about the coming morning.**

“She really doesn’t want to be here,” Rosalie said feeling bad for Bella, we all nodded not knowing how to respond. Hell, I was having a hard time just sitting here, stopping myself from tracking her down and comforting her. Jasper kept giving me side glances which I choose to ignore.

**Forks High School had a frightening total of only three hundred and fifty-seven— now fifty-eight — students; there were more than seven hundred people in my junior class alone back home. All of the kids here had grown up together — their grandparents had been toddlers together. I would be the new girl from the big city, a curiosity, a freak.**

"Nah with us around she will seem normal," Emmett smiled

**Maybe, if I looked like a girl from Phoenix should, I could work this to my advantage. But physically, I'd never fit in anywhere. I _should_ be tan, sporty, blond — a volleyball player, or a cheerleader, perhaps — all the things that go with living in the valley of the sun. Instead, I was ivory-skinned, without even the excuse of blue eyes or red hair, despite the constant sunshine. I had always been slender, but soft somehow, obviously not an athlete; I didn't have the necessary hand-eye coordination to play sports without humiliating myself **

“Great she’s clumsy,” Emmett smiled already seeing how many of her gym classes were going to be.

**— and harming both myself and anyone else who stood too close. When I finished putting my clothes in the old pine dresser, I took my bag of bathroom necessities and went to the communal bathroom to clean myself up after the day of travel. I looked at my face in the mirror as I brushed through my tangled, damp hair. Maybe it was the light, but already I looked sallower, unhealthy.**

"It could be the light, or simply the stress. Going from Phoenix to here is rather stress full add on the fact that she didn't want to and that she was pretending to like it. it natural to look a little bad," Carlisle said when we all looked at him, but he mostly hooked at me when he explained

**My skin could be pretty — it was very clear, almost translucent looking— but it all depended on color. I had no color here. Facing my pallid reflection in the mirror, I was forced to admit that I was lying to myself. It wasn't just physically that I'd never fit in. And if I couldn't find a niche in a school with three thousand people, what were my chances here? I didn't relate well to people my age. Maybe the truth was that I didn't relate well to people, period. Even my mother, who I was closer to than anyone else on the planet, was never in harmony with me, never on exactly the same page. Sometimes I wondered if I was seeing the same things through my eyes that the rest of the world was seeing through theirs. Maybe there was a glitch in my brain.**

"Fascinating," Carlisle said looking down at the book. We all were shocked, not understanding why Bella believed that she didn't belong or fit in with either school. It was in human nature to fit in to blend not to be an outcast. So what was making Bella so different? And did it have to do with the fact that I couldn't read her mind?

**But the cause didn't matter. All that mattered was the effect. And tomorrow would be just the beginning. I didn't sleep well that night, even after I was done crying.**

Esme wanted to comfort Bella not likening it that she spent the night crying, I felt the same

**The constant _whooshing_ of the rain and wind across the roof wouldn't fade into the background. **

"Huh, normally that would soothe any human and help them fall asleep," Carlisle said making more notes 

**I pulled the faded old quilt over my head, and later added the pillow, too. But I couldn't fall asleep until after midnight, when the rain finally settled into a quieter drizzle. Thick fog was all I could see out my window in the morning, and I could feel the claustrophobia creeping up on me. You could never see the sky here; it was like a cage. Breakfast with Charlie was a quiet event. He wished me good luck at school. I thanked him, knowing his hope was wasted. Good luck tended to avoid me.**

“Nope, you’re wrong,” Emmett shook his head thinking about the times she almost died because of me. Alice and I simply glared at him

**Charlie left first, off to the police station that was his wife and family. After he left, I sat at the old square oak table in one of the three un-matching chairs and examined his small kitchen, with its dark paneled walls, bright yellow cabinets, and white linoleum floor.**

Esme shook her head not approving

**Nothing was changed. My mother had painted the cabinets eighteen years ago in an attempt to bring some sunshine into the house. Over the small fireplace in the adjoining handkerchief-sized family room was a row of pictures. First a wedding picture of Charlie and my mom in Las Vegas, then one of the three of us in the hospital after I was born, taken by a helpful nurse, followed by the procession of my school pictures up to last year's.**

“Oh he was defiantly still hung up on Renee,” Jasper said feeling bad for Charlie

**Those were embarrassing to look at — I would have to see what I could do to get Charlie to put them somewhere else, at least while I was living here. It was impossible, being in this house, not to realize that Charlie had never gotten over my mom.**

“He must have loved her a lot,” Esme said looking at the book.

“He probity still loves her,” Jasper said thinking about going around the Swan house just to check

**It made me uncomfortable. I didn't want to be too early to school, but I couldn't stay in the house anymore. I donned my jacket — which had the feel of a biohazard suit — and headed out into the rain. It was just drizzling still, not enough to soak me through immediately as I reached for the house key that was always hidden under the eaves by the door, and locked up.**

“Why do humans always hide their keys there?” Alice asked shaking her head

“Because they all do it, so no-one expected anyone to look there,” Carlisle said looking up from the book

**The sloshing of my new waterproof boots was unnerving. I missed the normal crunch of gravel as I walked. I couldn't pause and admire my truck again as I wanted; I was in a hurry to get out of the misty wet that swirled around my head and clung to my hair under my hood. Inside the truck, it was nice and dry. Either Billy or Charlie had obviously cleaned it up, but the tan upholstered seats still smelled faintly of tobacco, gasoline, and peppermint. The engine started quickly, to my relief, but loudly, roaring to life and then idling at top volume.**

“Well it was an old truck, it is to be expected,” Rosalie said shaking her head.

“Another good thing about the truck is that it’s not going to stand out,” I said thinking about our cars in the garage.

**Well, a truck this old was bound to have a flaw. The antique radio worked, a plus that I hadn't expected. Finding the school wasn't difficult, though I'd never been there before. The school was, like most other things, just off the highway. It was not obvious that it was a school; only the sign, which declared it to be the Forks High School, made me stop. It looked like a collection of matching houses, built with maroon colored bricks. There were so many trees and shrubs I couldn't see its size at first.**

Everyone nodded thinking about when they came back two years ago, and how the school had looked for us

**Where was the feel of the institution? I wondered nostalgically. Where were the chain-link fences, the metal detectors?**

“There are defiantly not enough children for that,” Jasper laughed imagining how forks high would have looked if it had fences and metal detectors. I laughed at the image in his head 

**I parked in front of the first building, which had a small sign over the door reading front office. No one else was parked there, so I was sure it was off limits, but I decided I would get directions inside instead of circling around in the rain like an idiot.**

“Smart.” Everyone said at the same time

**I stepped unwillingly out of the toasty truck cab and walked down a little stone path lined with dark hedges. I took a deep breath before opening the door. Inside, it was brightly lit, and warmer than I'd hoped. The office was small; a little waiting area with padded folding chairs, orange-flecked commercial carpet, notices and awards cluttering the walls, a big clock ticking loudly. Plants grew everywhere in large plastic pots, as if there wasn't enough greenery outside.**

“Why do they have plants inside as well,” Rosalie asked realizing how right Bella was about the indoor plants all around the school

**The room was cut in half by a long counter, cluttered with wire baskets full of papers and brightly colored flyers taped to its front. There were three desks behind the counter, one of which was manned by a large, red-haired woman wearing glasses. She was wearing a purple t-shirt, which immediately made me feel overdressed. The red-haired woman looked up. "Can I help you?" "I'm Isabella Swan," I informed her, and saw the immediate awareness light her eyes. I was expected, a topic of gossip no doubt. Daughter of the Chief's flighty ex-wife, come home at last.**

“Well she’s not wrong,” I said thinking about how everyone in town was thinking about Bella and her return to the town

**"Of course," she said. She dug through a precariously stacked pile of documents on her desk till she found the ones she was looking for. "I have your schedule right here, and a map of the school." She brought several sheets to the counter to show roe. She went through my classes for me, highlighting the best route to each on the map, and gave me a slip to have each teacher sign, which I was to bring back at the end of the day.**

“That is nice of her," Esme said, happy that someone was helping Bella 

**She smiled at me and hoped, like Charlie, that I would like it here in Forks. I smiled back as convincingly as I could. When I went back out to my truck, other students were starting to arrive. I drove around the school, following the line of traffic. I was glad to see that most of the cars were older like mine, nothing flashy. At home I'd lived in one of the few lower-income neighborhoods that were included in the Paradise Valley District. It was a common thing to see a new Mercedes or Porsche in the student lot.**

"Why did it have to be so sunny at Phoenix," Rosalie pouted wanting to flash off her car as well

**The nicest car here was a shiny Volvo,**

I smiled happy that she noticed my car

**and it stood out. Still, I cut the engine as soon as I was in a spot, so that the thunderous volume wouldn't draw attention to me. I looked at the map in the truck, trying to memorize it now; hopefully I wouldn't have to walk around with it stuck in front of my nose all day. I stuffed everything in my bag, slung the strap over my shoulder, and sucked in a huge breath. I can do this, I lied to myself feebly. No one was going to bite me.**

“Oh is only she knew,” Jasper laughed looking at me.

“Hahaha,” I said sarcastically

**I finally exhaled and stepped out of the truck. I kept my face pulled back into my hood as I walked to the sidewalk, crowded with teenagers. My plain black jacket didn't stand out, I noticed with relief. Once I got around the cafeteria, building three was easy to spot. A large black "3" was painted on a white square on the east corner. I felt my breathing gradually creeping toward hyperventilation as I approached the door. I tried holding my breath as I followed two unisex raincoats through the door.**

“She really doesn’t like her peers,” Alice laughed

**The classroom was small. The people in front of me stopped just inside the door to hang up their coats on a long row of hooks. I copied them. They were two girls, one a porcelain-colored blonde, the other also pale, with light brown hair. At least my skin wouldn't be a standout here.**

“Oh she had no idea, just wait till she sees us,” Emmett smiled

**I took the slip up to the teacher, a tall, balding man whose desk had a nameplate identifying him as Mr. Mason. He gawked at me when he saw my name — not an encouraging response — and of course I flushed tomato red. But at least he sent me to an empty desk at the back without introducing me to the class. It was harder for my new classmates to stare at me in the back,**

“Oh they will find a way,” I said shaking my head.

**but somehow, they managed. I kept my eyes down on the reading list the teacher had given me. It was fairly basic: Bronte, Shakespeare, Chaucer, Faulkner.**

"That is not basic for 17-year-olds," Carlisle said shaking his head.

“Well seems like Bella keeps surprising us,” Jasper smiled

**I'd already read everything. That was comforting… and boring. I wondered if my mom would send me my folder of old essays, or if she would think that was cheating.**

“Well it is a form of cheating, plus what is the chance of the essays having the same subjects,” Esme asked looking around,

“Not much but with how smart she was it would be easy for her to reword them,” Carlisle said

**I went through different arguments with her in my head while the teacher droned on. When the bell rang, a nasal buzzing sound, a gangly boy with skin problems and hair black as an oil slick leaned across the aisle to talk to me.**

“Eric,” me and all my sibling said at the same time

**"You're Isabella Swan, aren't you?" He looked like the overly helpful, chess club type. "Bella," I corrected. Everyone within a three-seat radius turned to look at me.**

“Ah that is where it started,” I smiled

**"Where's your next class?" he asked. I had to check in my bag. "Um, Government, with Jefferson, in building six." There was nowhere to look without meeting curious eyes. "I'm headed toward building four, I could show you the way…" Definitely over helpful.**

Everyone nodded

**"I'm Eric," he added. I smiled tentatively. "Thanks." We got our jackets and headed out into the rain, which had picked up. I could have sworn several people behind us were walking close enough to eavesdrop. I hoped I wasn't getting paranoid.**

“You’re not paranoid, they were eavesdropping,” I shook my head.

“They are not being very discreet,” Carlisle shook his head impressed with the teens 

**"So, this is a lot different than Phoenix, huh?" he asked. "Very." "It doesn't rain much there, does it?" "Three or four times a year." "Wow, what must that be like?" he wondered. "Sunny," I told him. "You don't look very tan." "My mother is part albino."**

That got us all to laugh

**He studied my face apprehensively, and I sighed. It looked like clouds and a sense of humor didn't mix.**

“Well not when the boys are interested in you,” Jasper shook his head, I just glared at him. But I knew he was right

**A few months of this and I'd forget how to use sarcasm.**

“Not likely,” Emmett smiled looking at everyone

**We walked back around the cafeteria, to the south buildings by the gym. Eric walked me right to the door, though it was clearly marked. "Well, good luck," he said as I touched the handle. "Maybe we'll have some other classes together." He sounded hopeful.**

“Well there is a good chance for that to happen,” I said not liking the idea

**I smiled at him vaguely and went inside. The rest of the morning passed in about the same fashion. My Trigonometry teacher, Mr. Varner, who I would have hated anyway just because of the subject he taught, was the only one who made me stand in front of the class and introduce myself.**

“He is a horrible man,” everyone but Carlisle and Esme said at the same time

**I stammered, blushed, and tripped over my own boots on the way to my seat. After two classes, I started to recognize several of the faces in each class. There was always someone braver than the others who would introduce themselves and ask me questions about how I was liking Forks. I tried to be diplomatic, but mostly I just lied a lot. At least I never needed the map.**

“Well that is an upside," Alice nodded, happy that Bella didn't need her map, who knew how many times Bella would have tripped over her own feet

**One girl sat next to me in both Trig and Spanish, and she walked with me to the cafeteria for lunch. She was tiny, several inches shorter than my five feet four inches, but her wildly curly dark hair made up a lot of the difference between our heights. I couldn't remember her name, so I smiled and nodded as she prattled about teachers and classes. I didn't try to keep up.**

"Well she seems to make friends rather easy for someone who doesn't fit in," Rosalie rolled her eyes.

"She's the new girl in the town, of course, people are going to see her as the new toy," Alice glared at Rosalie

**We sat at the end of a full table with several of her friends, who she introduced to me. I forgot all their names as soon as she spoke them. They seemed impressed by her bravery in speaking to me. The boy from English, Eric, waved at me from across the room. It was there, sitting in the lunchroom, trying to make conversation with seven curious strangers, that I first saw them.**

"Here we come," Emmett smiled. We all at forward eager to see what Bella's first idea of us was

**They were sitting in the corner of the cafeteria, as far away from where I sat as possible in the long room. There were five of them. They weren't talking, and they weren't eating, though they each had a tray of untouched food in front of them. They weren't gawking at me, unlike most of the other students, so it was safe to stare at them without fear of meeting an excessively interested pair of eyes.**

“Makes sense, but what caught her attention,” Carlisle said curios **.**

“She saw that we weren’t eating,” Jasper and I said at the same time, shocked because no-one ells ever noticed it

**But it was none of these things that caught, and held, my attention. They didn't look anything alike. Of the three boys, one was big — muscled like a serious weight lifter, with dark, curly hair.**

"Not too bad," Emmett smiled, happy with his description

**Another was taller, leaner, but still muscular, and honey blond.**

Jasper also smiled

**The last was lanky,**

That got Emmett laughing while I just glared at him

**less bulky, with untidy, bronze colored hair. He was more boyish than the others, who looked like they could be in college, or even teachers here rather than students.**

“Well she is not wrong,” Carlisle said looking at his sons

**The girls were opposites. The tall one was statuesque. She had a beautiful figure, the kind you saw on the cover of the _Sports Illustrated_ swimsuit issue, the kind that made every girl around her take a hit on her self-esteem just by being in the same room. Her hair was golden, gently waving to the middle of her back. **

Rosalie nodded pleased with her description

**The short girl was pixie like, thin in the extreme, with small features. Her hair was a deep black, cropped short and pointing in every direction.**

“She didn’t notice our clothing,” Alice pouted,

“I’m sure she will notice it soon,” Jasper said kissing her cheek

**And yet, they were all exactly alike. Every one of them was chalky pale, the palest of all the students living in this sunless town. Paler than me, the albino. They all had very dark eyes despite the range in hair tones. They also had dark shadows under those eyes — purplish, bruise like shadows. As if they were all suffering from a sleepless night, or almost done recovering from a broken nose. Though their noses, all their features, were straight, perfect, angular. But all this is not why I couldn't look away. I stared because their faces, so different, so similar, were all devastatingly, inhumanly beautiful.**

Everyone was speechless, no-one ever looked at us and saw so much. This could be a very dangerous thing for our family if Bella ever told anyone

**They were faces you never expected to see except perhaps on the airbrushed pages of a fashion magazine. Or painted by an old master as the face of an angel. It was hard to decide who was the most beautiful — maybe the perfect blond girl,**

“Most defiantly,” Rosalie smiled, while the rest of us shook our heads

**or the bronze-haired boy. They were all looking away — away from each other, away from the other students, away from anything in particular as far as I could tell. As I watched, the small girl rose with her tray — unopened soda, unbitten apple — and walked away with a quick, graceful lope that belonged on a runway. I watched, amazed at her lithe dancer's step, till she dumped her tray and glided through the back door, faster than I would have thought possible.**

“Alice,” Carlisle and Esme said at the same time

"Sorry I'm not used to people being so perceptive," Alice apologized

**My eyes darted back to the others, who sat unchanging. "Who are _they_?" I asked the girl from my Spanish class, whose name I'd forgotten. **

“Jessica,” I said rolling my eyes not liking the girl

**As she looked up to see who I meant — though already knowing, probably, from my tone — suddenly he looked at her, the thinner one, the boyish one, the youngest, perhaps.**

“nope the oldest,” Alice smiled

"Well Edward was the youngest one in an age when he was turned," Carlisle said impressed with Bella

**He looked at my neighbor for just a fraction of a second, and then his dark eyes flickered to mine. He looked away quickly, more quickly than I could, though in a flush of embarrassment I dropped my eyes at once. In that brief flash of a glance, his face held nothing of interest — it was as if she had called his name, and he'd looked up in involuntary response, already having decided not to answer.**

“Okay we are going to need to be more careful around her,” Jasper said shocked that she had picked up on that. Carlisle remained impressed with Bella writhing more down in his notebook

**My neighbor giggled in embarrassment, looking at the table like I did. "That's Edward and Emmett Cullen, and Rosalie and Jasper Hale. The one who left was Alice Cullen; they all live together with Dr. Cullen and his wife." She said this under her breath. I glanced sideways at the beautiful boy, who was looking at his tray now, picking a bagel to pieces with long, pale fingers. His mouth was moving very quickly, his perfect lips barely opening.**

“A lot more careful,” Alice nodded agreeing with her mate

**The other three still looked away, and yet I felt he was speaking quietly to them. Strange, unpopular names, I thought. The kinds of names grandparents had.**

Esme smiled and nodded looking at her kids and taking in the time areas we came from,

**But maybe that was in vogue here — small town names? I finally remembered that my neighbor was called Jessica, a perfectly common name. There were two girls named Jessica in my History class back home. "They are… very nice-looking." I struggled with the conspicuous understatement. "Yes!" Jessica agreed with another giggle. "They're all _together_ though —Emmett and Rosalie, and Jasper and Alice, I mean. And they _live_ together." **

“It’s not that strange, even for human nature,” I shook my annoyed at the human, why did she have to try and paint my family in a negative light

**Her voice held all the shock and condemnation of the small town, I thought critically. But, if I was being honest, I had to admit that even in Phoenix, it would cause gossip. "Which ones are the Cullens?" I asked. "They don't look related…" "Oh, they're not. Dr. Cullen is really young, in his twenties or early thirties. They're all adopted. The Hales _are_ brother and sister, twins — the blondes — and they're foster children." "They look a little old for foster children." "They are now, Jasper and Rosalie are both eighteen, but they've been with Mrs. Cullen since they were eight. She's their aunt or something like that." "That's really kind of nice — for them to take care of all those kids like that, when they're so young and everything." **

“That is so sweet of Bella,” Esme smiled happily.

“Why do I get the feeling Bella is not going to like how Jessica is going to be talking about our family,” Jasper said wondering

**"I guess so," Jessica admitted reluctantly, and I got the impression that she didn't like the doctor and his wife for some reason. With the glances she was throwing at their adopted children, I would presume the reason was jealousy. "I think that Mrs. Cullen can't have any kids, though," she added, as if that lessened their kindness.**

All the kids growled thinking horrible things about Jessica, she could think whatever she wanted about us, but Esme was off-limits

**Throughout all this conversation, my eyes flickered again and again to the table where the strange family sat. They continued to look at the walls and not eat. "Have they always lived in Forks?" I asked. Surely I would have noticed them on one of my summers here. "No," she said in a voice that implied it should be obvious, even to a new arrival like me. "They just moved down two years ago from somewhere in Alaska." I felt a surge of pity, and relief.**

“Well that is a first,” Carlisle said looking up from the book to make another note

**Pity because, as beautiful as they were, they were outsiders, clearly not accepted. Relief that I wasn't the only newcomer here, and certainly not the most interesting by any standard. As I examined them, the youngest, one of the Cullens, looked up and met my gaze, this time with evident curiosity in his expression. As I looked swiftly away, it seemed to me that his glance held some kind of unmet expectation.**

“well, of course, he couldn't read her mind so that made sense," Alice smiled

**"Which one is the boy with the reddish brown hair?" I asked. I peeked at him from the corner of my eye, and he was still staring at me, but not gawking like the other students had today — he had a slightly frustrated expression.**

“Well this is to fun,” Emmett laughed again remembering what we had read previously

**I looked down again. "That's Edward. He's gorgeous, of course, but don't waste your time. He doesn't date. Apparently none of the girls here are good-looking enough for him." She sniffed, a clear case of sour grapes. I wondered when he'd turned her down.**

“Too many times,” I said shaking my head thinking of all the times she had asked me. My siblings all laughed at the thought of those times

**I bit my lip to hide my smile. Then I glanced at him again. His face was turned away, but I thought his cheek appeared lifted, as if he were smiling, too. After a few more minutes, the four of them left the table together. They all were noticeably graceful — even the big, brawny one. It was unsettling to watch. The one named Edward didn't look at me again.**

“Aww she already likes him,” Emmett cooed

**I sat at the table with Jessica and her friends longer than I would have if I'd been sitting alone. I was anxious not to be late for class on my first day. One of my new acquaintances, who considerately reminded me that her name was Angela, had Biology II with me the next hour.**

“She is nice, be friends with her,” We all said at the same time

**We walked to class together in silence. She was shy, too. When we entered the classroom, Angela went to sit at a black-topped lab table exactly like the ones I was used to. She already had a neighbor. In fact, all the tables were filled but one. Next to the center aisle, I recognized Edward Cullen by his unusual hair, sitting next to that single open seat. As I walked down the aisle to introduce myself to the teacher and get my slip signed, I was watching him surreptitiously.**

I took a deep breath nor really interested in what we were going to see.

“Well let's see how much you scared Bella,” Jasper and Emmett smiled at the same time

**Just as I passed, he suddenly went rigid in his seat. He stared at me again, meeting my eyes with the strangest expression on his face — it was hostile, furious. I looked away quickly, shocked, going red again. I stumbled over a book in the walkway and had to catch myself on the edge of a table. The girl sitting there giggled. I'd noticed that his eyes were black — coal black.**

“Well that was not good,” Carlisle said thinking about how Bella made a note of my eyes

**Mr. Banner signed my slip and handed me a book with no nonsense about introductions. I could tell we were going to get along. Of course, he had no choice but to send me to the one open seat in the middle of the room. I kept my eyes down as I went to sit by _him_ , bewildered by the antagonistic stare he'd given me. I didn't look up as I set my book on the table and took my seat, but I saw his posture change from the corner of my eye. He was leaning away from me, sitting on the extreme edge of his chair and averting his face like he smelled something bad. **

“Nope the opposite acutely,” I said not liking how I acted in the book 

**Inconspicuously, I sniffed my hair. It smelled like strawberries, the scent of my favorite shampoo. It seemed an innocent enough odor.**

“Aww how cute,” Alice smiled, while I just had a small smile on my face 

**I let my hair fall over my right shoulder, making a dark curtain between us, and tried to pay attention to the teacher. Unfortunately the lecture was on cellular anatomy, something I'd already studied. I took notes carefully anyway, always looking down. I couldn't stop myself from peeking occasionally through the screen of my hair at the strange boy next to me. During the whole class, he never relaxed his stiff position on the edge of his chair, sitting as far from me as possible. I could see his hand on his left leg was clenched into a fist, tendons standing out under his pale skin. This, too, he never relaxed.**

“She is noticing a lot,” Jasper said wondering how long it would take Bella to guess what we were

**He had the long sleeves of his white shirt pushed up to his elbows, and his forearm was surprisingly hard and muscular beneath his light skin. He wasn't nearly as slight as he'd looked next to his burly brother. The class seemed to drag on longer than the others. Was it because the day was finally coming to a close, or because I was waiting for his tight fist to loosen? It never did; he continued to sit so still it looked like he wasn't breathing.**

Everyone blinked still impressed

**What was wrong with him? Was this his normal behavior? I questioned my judgment on Jessica's bitterness at lunch today. Maybe she was not as resentful as I'd thought. It couldn't have anything to do with me. He didn't know me from Eve. I peeked up at him one more time, and regretted it. He was glaring down at me again, his black eyes full of revulsion. As I flinched away from him, shrinking against my chair, the phrase _if looks could kill_ suddenly ran through my mind. **

“You didn’t scar her, you just made her think you hated her,” Esme said shocked, we all had thought that she was afraid but she didn’t have one shred of fear

**At that moment, the bell rang loudly, making me jump, and Edward Cullen was out of his seat. Fluidly he rose — he was much taller than I'd thought — his back to me, and he was out the door before anyone else was out of their seat. I sat frozen in my seat, staring blankly after him. He was so mean. It wasn't fair.**

“That is amazing, human nature should have made her fear you but she didn’t. I wonder if she was able to feel the bond, but just at a slightly lessened intensity,” Carlisle said looking at the book in his hands like it was the best thing in the world

**I began gathering up my things slowly, trying to block the anger that filled me, for fear my eyes would tear up.**

“Aww she cried when she is angry,” Emmett smiled

“She is a little angry kitten,” Jasper laughed already liking Bella more then he thought he could

**For some reason, my temper was hardwired to my tear ducts. I usually cried when I was angry, a humiliating tendency. "Aren't you Isabella Swan?" a male voice asked. I looked up to see a cute, baby-faced boy, his pale blond hair carefully gelled into orderly spikes, smiling at me in a friendly way.**

“Mike,” I growled not liking him one bit,

**He obviously didn't think I smelled bad. "Bella," I corrected him, with a smile. "I'm Mike." "Hi, Mike." "Do you need any help finding your next class?" "I'm headed to the gym, actually. I think I can find it." "That's my next class, too." He seemed thrilled, though it wasn't that big of a coincidence in a school this small.**

“Of course that would make him happy,” Jasper rolled his eyes, none of us like Mike mostly because he couldn’t control his thoughts

**We walked to class together; he was a chatterer — he supplied most of the conversation, which made it easy for me. He'd lived in California till he was ten, so he knew how I felt about the sun. It turned out he was in my English class also. He was the nicest person I'd met today. But as we were entering the gym, he asked, "So, did you stab Edward Cullen with a pencil or what? I've never seen him act like that."**

“Mike,” Everyone growled at the same time. Why couldn’t he keep his mouth shut?

**I cringed. So I wasn't the only one who had noticed. And, apparently, that _wasn't_ Edward Cullen's usual behavior. I decided to play dumb. "Was that the boy I sat next to in Biology?" I asked artlessly. "Yes," he said. "He looked like he was in pain or something." "I don't know," I responded. "I never spoke to him." "He's a weird guy." Mike lingered by me instead of heading to the dressing room. "If I were lucky enough to sit by you, I would have talked to you." **

I let out a growl, not liking that idea

**I smiled at him before walking through the girls' locker room door. He was friendly and clearly admiring. But it wasn't enough to ease my irritation. The Gym teacher, Coach Clapp, found me a uniform but didn't make me dress down for today's class. At home, only two years of PE. were required. Here, P.E. was mandatory all four years.**

“She must have hated that,” Emmett pouted, sad that he wasn’t in class with her

**Forks was literally my personal hell on Earth. I watched four volleyball games running simultaneously. Remembering how many injuries I had sustained — and inflicted — playing volleyball, I felt faintly nauseated. The final bell rang at last. I walked slowly to the office to return my paperwork.**

“I would have thought that she would try to get there a quickly as possible,” Rosalie said

“Well she did say she was clumsy so it would make sense he would take it slow to ensure that she didn’t embarrass herself in front of everyone,” I answered her 

**The rain had drifted away, but the wind was strong, and colder. I wrapped my arms around myself. When I walked into the warm office, I almost turned around and walked back out.**

“She should have done that,” Everyone said at the same time

**Edward Cullen stood at the desk in front of me. I recognized again that tousled bronze hair.**

“Oh she likes your hair,” Alice smiled looking at my hair and made an unspoken comment about how untidy it was

**He didn't appear to notice the sound of my entrance. I stood pressed against the back wall, waiting for the receptionist to be free. He was arguing with her in a low, attractive voice. I quickly picked up the gist of the argument. He was trying to trade from sixth-hour Biology to another time — any other time. I just couldn't believe that this was about me. It had to be something else, something that happened before I entered the Biology room. The look on his face must have been about another aggravation entirely. It was impossible that this stranger could take such a sudden, intense dislike to me.**

“Sorry,” I said looking at the book

**The door opened again, and the cold wind suddenly gusted through the room, rustling the papers on the desk, swirling my hair around my face. The girl who came in merely stepped to the desk, placed a note in the wire basket, and walked out again. But Edward Cullen's back stiffened, and he turned slowly to glare at me — his face was absurdly handsome**

“Told you,” Jasper said smiling at Emmett,

"Nope she hasn't said that he was the most handsome one yet," Emmett defended himself. Jasper just nodded and sat back relaxed against the couch, sure that he would win with the beat in time

**— with piercing, hate-filled eyes. For an instant, I felt a thrill of genuine fear, raising the hair on my arms. The look only lasted a second,**

“That is not normal,” Rosalie said shaking her head, not understanding why Bella was not afraid of me.

**but it chilled me more than the freezing wind. He turned back to the receptionist. "Never mind, then," he said hastily in a voice like velvet. "I can see that it's impossible. Thank you so much for your help." And he turned on his heel without another look at me, and disappeared out the door. I went meekly to the desk, my face white for once instead of red, and handed her the signed slip. "How did your first day go, dear?" the receptionist asked maternally. "Fine," I lied, my voice weak.**

“She is sad,” Esme and Carlisle said at the same time. I felt horrible that I had made her sad

**She didn't look convinced. When I got to the truck, it was almost the last car in the lot. It seemed like a haven, already the closest thing to home I had in this damp green hole. I sat inside for a while, just staring out the windshield blankly. But soon I was cold enough to need the heater, so I turned the key and the engine roared to life. I headed back to Charlie's house, fighting tears the whole way there.**

I was speechless I never thought that I had driven Bella to tears, no wonder she didn’t like me 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own any of the books or the characters they are all the property of Stephanie Meyer  
> Reviews are greatly appreciated   
> I’m going to start posting things on Instagram that have to do with these fanfictions. Mostly they are just going to be small updates as I write everything. And when I’m going to update so you’re more than welcome to come and say hi.   
> Come say hi on Instagram: Voshaarnooi2000


	6. author note

Hello every sorry I should have posted this a lot earlier but I’ have been way to busy. University and work has been kicking my ass, so all my hobbies have basically been placed on a back burner. I still post on Instagram because all my photos are ones I took last year and I posted my last pres Mic draft today.

So I decided I was going to change the way I update and write for that matter. So how I’m going to be doing things from now on is basically I will be working from book tot book. The main reason why I’m changing who I’m doing everything is because on an average size chapter- which is normally 5-6 pages of only original book text- I spend a day on adding everyone’s reactions and everything. That is why I normally finish earlier with PJ and Vampire Academy because most of their chapters are that long. The HP and Twilight ones chapters are a lot longer so I take long to work on them.

Seeing as I started with PJ that is the fanfic I’m focusing on that right now. Currently I’m working on chapter 12 of the titian curse. So I will be finishing the titans curse then uploading those chapters.

After that I will continue with Frostbite which is at chapter 7.

And then Harry Potter

And then Twilight.

Sorry but this is the best way I know how to continue with all the stories, the updates between each book might take longer but at least when I do update they will be more consistent and everything.

I will be still updating on Instagram about how the stories are going and my progress. If I have questions surrounding the story or how certain characters would react in certain situations. Then I will be asking them on there. If you have questions you are welcome to go and ask there as well.

Thank you all.

Here is my Instagram Voshaarnooi2000.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own any of the books or the characters they are all the property of Stephanie Meyer  
> Reviews are greatly appreciated  
> Come say hi on tiktok: Voshaarnooi01  
> Come say hi on Instagram: Voshaarnooi2000


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